Sarah Downey

What if...I'm Pretending?

2008-07-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

What if the defintion of pretending is to deceive or give a false appearance? What if pretending can fool men but can't fool God? What if it's true that we are known by our fruits? What if Jesus was right in saying that not everyone who calls them their Lord will enter Heaven? (Matt 7:21) What if Satan wants me to believe I can sin and get away with it? What if God is not only a God of love and forgiveness, but also a God of justice and wrath?

What if it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God? (Heb 10:31) What if my love for the things of this world reveal that I do not belong to Christ? (1 John 2:15) What if I should really examine myself to see if I am truly in the faith? (2 Cor 13:5) What if I have not honestly been broken over my sins against God and completely surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ? What if I have broken God's commandments thousands of times without even caring that it spits in the face of God? What if God holds me accountable for every lie, every lustful thought, and every time I felt hatred toward a person? What if God considers my lust to be adultery and my hatred to be murder? (Matt 5:28, 1 Jn 3:15) What if I'm actually ignoring the God who gives me my every breath? What if I don't see myself as an enemy of God (because of my sin) who deserves nothing but eternity in hell? What if God does not desire for me to go to hell, and made a way for me to be forgiven? What if God took my punishment by dying on the cross in the person of Jesus Christ for my sins? What if this conviction in my heart is begging me to truly repent and put my faith in Jesus Christ alone to save me?

What if God had me read this for a reason? What if I'm pretending...

http://www.whatifimpretending.com/

I Feel So Loved

2008-07-03T23:13:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I went to the Great Banquet at the end of March, an awesome retreat in which loved ones and family members write wonderful letters of love and encouragement that are given to participants on the last day of the retreat. To those of you who wrote to me, thank you SO much! You were such a blessing. I have never been so overwhelmed with love and kindness by everyone who has been apart of my life, past and present. Tonight, I happen to be glancing through some of my letters again, and I wanted to share two of the most special ones. The first is from my mama...

My dearest Sarah, My first born,
From the moment I saw you, you stole my heart. I didn't know just how much God was working! My early attempts at parenting were somehow lacking. I couldn't put a name to it, but at times I felt very unworthy.
Boy did God wake me up in your teens. He kinda shook me and said, "Pay attention!"
Every up and down you have had since then was God refining you in the fire. I see you growing everyday into this fine, poised young lady, whom I am proud to call my daughter and friend.
You are compassionate, kind, loving, and loyal. And with God's help you will someday make a terrific wife and mother.
As I write this, there are so many thoughts swirling through my head. I love you fiercely and unconditionally. Your happiness and growth in God are my daily prayers for you. Your love of God comes first, and then your family and friends. You love with your whole heart, and that I can identify with.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend. Enjoy every minute of it!
Love Always,
Mom

Her letter meant so much to me, but I have to admit that I cried even more when I read my father's. He's short and to the point, but you know. Most men are. LOL I am close with both of my parents, but I have always been a daddy's girl. He wrote...

To my dear Sarah Jane,
What you mean to me is very simple. Through all of the trials and tribulations we have all gone through, God, you mother, and I have helped you to grow and prosper in the Lord. I feel like you are the most perfect accomplishment that we have worked on in my 53 years on the planet.
Love Always,
Dad

Now believe me, my relationship with them is far from perfect. But at the end of the day, it's impossible to put a price tag on their unconditional love and support. Thank you Lord for the gift of loving parents who see their children through!

Zenith 2008!!!

2008-06-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

Well Zenith 2008 has come and gone. Man time flies when you're having fun! For those of you who aren't familiar, Zenith is a week-long Christian high school camp that's held every June on the campus of Oklahoma Christian University. I've been so privelaged and blessed to share in it and serve as a camp counselor every year but one since 2002. I had a great co-counselor this year who really loves the Lord, and we had an awesome bunch of kids we got to hang out with and share Jesus with all week. You guys rock, and I miss you already!

The week was amazing, and God was at work in alot of hearts like He usually is. I will NEVER grow tired of watching that. He also blessed me with the opportunity to share my testimony with my kids the last night of camp, and I was able to leave them with resources that God can continue to use in their lives and maybe even in the lives of their family and friends. For those of you who wanted more materials, they are on the way! Love you guys!

Group pic...

Goofy group pic...

Tanner, Collier, Kyle, Michael, and Jesse

Becca, Rachel, and Leighann

Kellie, Charlie, and Mikaela

My co-counselor Barret and I

Kara and Katie...LOL

Caitlan, Kara, me, Mikaela, and Katie Me and Elisha

Natalie Reed, Kelly, me, Brandi, and Niki Nowell

More fun pics...I miss you Nowells!

Celebrate Recovery

2008-06-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

Timing is everything. I mean, God's timing is everything. Several of us from my church had been talking about and praying about whether God would have us to begin a recovery ministry at our church to help reach those in our pews and outside the church who are struggling to stay sober. Since all of us on the leadership team have our roots in a twelve step program, we naturally turned to the idea of Celebrate Recovery, which is a Christ-centered twelve step recovery program. Over a year ago several of us sat down to discuss the possiblitites with one of our pastoral staff, and for one reason or another, nothing ever came of it. I met with that staff member again in Januaray, really to ask what had happened to the idea. He assured me me that we had his support, and I promised to begin e-mailing the two others that I knew were interested in the ministry. Life happened though, and their e-mail addresses laid on my kitchen table for months before I remembered to e-mail them. Not only were they still interested, but they wanted to begin meeting as I did, to brainstorm and begin to really plow through all of the Celebrate Recovrey resources we could. Not even a week after I began e-mailing them, the pastoral staff member we'd been communicating with contacted each of us about a leadership training in Chicago on 6/14. All of us but one were able to go, and many others from the misistry staff at our church came too. I was thrilled to find out that another who had been set free from a sex addiction was coming as well, in hopes of begining a group at the Creek for those who struggle with porn and sex addiction. It is so needed. Much more than many realize.

We had a great time, and I really enjoyed getting to know some of them more. Some I met for the first time. I was pleasantly surprised at the intense focus on leadership at the conference, and was touched time and time again by the founders John and Cheryl Baker and by the countless testimonies of changed lives and marriages that had been a result of God working through a local Celebrate Recovery ministry. It is so much bigger than I thought...not just for addictions. I also heard testimonies of people God had set free from anger problems, co-dependency, eating issues, cutting, and past emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I know that ours will start out smaller, with probably a focus on alcohol/drug dependency, and maybe co-depency or a men's sexual addiction group. Other Celebrate Recovery groups in our area have started the same. But it's pretty encouraging to see just how much God can make a group grow, rise up leaders for new groups, and bring healing, salvation, and wholeness to so many. We're so excited to see what the future holds!

www.CelebrateRecovery.com

Officially car-less!?!? Until Tuesday...

2008-06-20T10:52:00.001-07:00

That's right. I've been taking a Financial Peace University class, and it's been one of the most eye-opening experiences I've had. With as much debt as I have, and as little money I make, I've made some pretty radical decisions to start the hard road of paying off ALL of my debt, in as little time as possible. One of those decisions was to sell my car, something that means so much to me. I've only had my new Vibe since late January, but after really looking into how much money I'd be paying in interest over the next 5 years, and also just how much I had left in principle, the best financial option became clear...sell it. So, on Thursday 6/12, I handed it over to the new owners. I was a little emotional, but I knew that my decision would impact my financial future in a good way. So I started looking for a pretty inexpensive car to pay cash with, which was pretty humbling, but good for me. God is good, and I knew that He'd provide what I needed. I have to admit that I started to get a little panicky though, when several cars I was seriously looking at either got bought out from underneath me or didn't check out well with my mechanic. As scary as it was at first, I knew it was all about trust. Since I decided to put my car up for sale in May, I prayed that if it was God's will for me to do so, that He would provide a buyer and another reliable car for me to drive.

So, without a car, and without one really in sight, I left on 6/13 for Chicago and then Oklahoma for a week, unsure of how I'd get to work the Monday I returned. Not only did I still not have a car, but I was out of town and not even able to look at any for more than a week! God is really something though. There was a guy at a local dealership who knew what I was looking for, how much money I had to spend, and knew that I was out of town. I gave him my father's cell number just in case he were to find anything while I was gone. And he did. He called my father, who came and testdrove the car, and my dad called me to let me know he thought I'd be impressed. I was able to get a deposit to the dealer, my dad was able to get it to my mechanic for a second check, and essentially the car was waiting for me when I got home! I got to close the deal on Tuesday, and drive home an 2001 Saturn SC 3-door coupe that's in EXCELLENT condition, deemed mechanically sound, and with lower mileage than I'd expected. In fact it only has 10K more than the Vibe I sold, and I paid less than half of what I bought my Vibe for! I ended up needing a little more money than I thought, but God provided that too. I've really just been amazed at how He's orchestrated this entire thing, but I shouldn't be surprised. That's the kind of God I serve.

My Vibe...

My new Saturn!

And do you want to know what else came of this? An opportunity to be a witness and plant seeds. When I went in on Monday, after getting back in town, to look at and test drive the car for myself, I was able to spend some time talking with the guy who had found the car for me. We got to talking and found out we had some things in common, and he ended up sharing a pretty neat article with me about a martyr from hundreds of years ago that God really used to make an impact on the world. This guy was impressed by the article, and I was touched that he wanted to share it with me. So, as we're walking across the parking lot to the other building for me to pay and get a receipt for the car, God prompted me to throw out a question. "Jim," I said, "can I ask you a weird question?" "Well, sure!" he said. "Jim, what do you think happens when we die?" He began talking about how some people believe there's nothing, some believe in reincarnation, etc. I said, "but what do you believe?" He said, "Well, I was raised Catholic, but honestly, I'd like to believe there's some kind of glorious afterlife." Reaching the next building, our conversation was promptly cut off, but I had hoped that maybe a seed had been planted to get him to think more about eternity.

Then as we left that building to walk across the parking lot back to the main building, HE began to pick up the converstation where we left off! Wow God is amazing. This guy wanted to talk about eternal things. Quite the opposite of what the Enemy tries to convince us of when he wants us to keep our mouths shut. He started to talk about how he really thought that there was so much more to this life than just working, accumulating stuff, and then dying. Then he said, "you know though, there are alot of scientists that have become atheists through their study." And I followed up with, "Yes, I know unfortunately, Jim. But did you know that there are also scientists who have become believers as a result of their study? You never hear about those, but their stories are just as real." "Really?" he said. "Definately," I said, "even just the fact that the human eye is more complex than any computer on the planet Jim...the deeper they did into the complexity and magnificence of creation and humankind, the more apparent it becomes that it's impossible that this all just happened by accident." "Wow," he agreed. "I know the galaxies are infinate, and it would only make sense that there would be an infinite being behind it all."

I left that day so grateful for our converstation, but God wasn't done. I had to go back the next day to have some scratches touched up, and God laid it on my heart to give Jim a thank you card, a tip, and a copy of One Heartbeat Away. It has answers to the questions that still linger in Jim's heart about what awaits us in eternity. He wasn't there, so I dropped it off for him. The next day he called and left me a voicemail to let me know that he was so thankful for the tip I left and the book, that he was touched that I had taken the time to do that for him, and that he started reading it the night before. He said he's going to finish it and hopes to maybe chat with me afterwards. I can't wait for the call. Please pray for Jim, that he would come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. Kinda makes you wonder what was the real reason God convinced me to sell my car!

The Chapman's

2008-05-26T17:17:00.000-07:00

Many of you know by now about the tragic death of Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman’s youngest and adopted 5 yr-old daughter that happened several days ago. I’m still in shock, and amazed at their faith and trust in God even through this terrible time of deep grief. My heart will probably never know the intense pain they are feeling as they struggle to come to grips with the loss. And yet the hope and strong faith they have in Christ Jesus reminds them that she is truly home, awaiting them. Click here to read a post from my friend Niki, and here to see the blog that has been created in her memory by the Chapman family. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Steven Curtis Chapman is one of the most well-known and award-winning contemporary Christian music artists of all time, whose music God has used in the lives of many, including my own. You can visit his website here. Please, please, please remember this family in your prayers. Please, please, please remember this family in your prayers.

What's Most Important?

2008-05-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

Me, Mark Cahill, and Kelly

I’ve had so much going on. I always do. The more time goes on though, the more apparent it becomes to me that the enemy of our souls has done a fabulous job of distracting me from what’s most important in life. I keep wondering if he’s getting paid for all this overtime. At least what should be most important in the life of every Christian, and that’s sharing the truth about Jesus Christ and talking with others about eternity. It’s the only thing that’s going to matter 100 or even 1000 years from now. It’s not going to matter how much money I made this year, how much weight I did or didn’t lose, or what kind of car I drove. The only thing that will matter is what I did for the kingdom of God, who I told…who I loved.

I spent most of the weekend listening to two different men of God, as they boldly shared about the war for souls in our culture, the importance of being equipped to give an answer for the hope that I have, and having the obedience to do it. Mark Cahill, a brother in Christ that God has used so much in my own walk, to convict me and encourage me to be a bold and faithful woman for Jesus Christ, was one of the speakers. My friend Kelly and I got to talk with him after the conference and catch up. We e-mail him off and on, and he knows about many of the things God has done in our lives and how He’s moved us to get the truth to non-believers and encourage other brothers and sisters in the faith. We were privileged enough to get to chat with him and get a picture with him. There were so many of us who went to the Indy 500 track on Saturday and Sunday to talk with people about eternity and hand out Gospel tracts. We got into some great, interesting conversations! We plant the seeds, but God makes them grow.

I’ve been so moved by his book “One Thing You Can’t Do in Heaven” that I’ve tried to get as many copies as I can into the hands of fellow Christians. Most of us allow fear to get in the way of our compassion and concern for the eternal fate of others, when the reality is that God will give us the words to speak for Him if we simply are obedient and take the time to equip ourselves. The evidence is clear. The truth is there. Know it Christians. I’ve been so amazed and impressed by his book “One Heartbeat Away” that I’ve tried to get as many copies as possible into the hands of those who have questions, those who are unsure, and those who are skeptical about the great God we serve. It never ceases to amaze me how many people hear the truth, see the evidence for themselves, and are forever changed by Jesus Christ. Just as amazing to me as my own conversion, a radical supernatural change from a life riddled with sin and disbelief. I can’t even count the stories we heard this weekend of the many many hearts God is changing. If you’d like either one of these books, shoot me an e-mail, and it’s on me. I’d be privileged to get you one. Or you could click here to check out Mark’s website. He has both books on MP3 too, and it’s all by donation only. He’s not interested in your money. You can’t put a price tag on a soul. And if you could, it was paid 2,000 years ago on a cross.

Just some thoughts

2007-12-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

I visited church with my friend Brandi today, and her minister said a few things that really spoke to me. So much so that I immediately scrambled for a pen so that I could jot them done and come back to them later...

"Real spirituality cannot be forced on the outside through rules and regulations. Real spirituality happens on the inside, and that inner change is made manifest on the outside."

This has been so true with me. People have only noticed such a change in me because of what God originated on the inside of me. What people see on the outside is actually an outflow of a new heart that is always being changed and shaped by God. It doesn't always change as fast as I'd like it to, and my self-will often slows down the process, but He is changing me none the less.

"Listening to the Word of God is good, but is not good enough. Reading the Word of God is good, but is still not good enough. It's only by obeying the Word of God that we change."

True again. I love God's Word and know the power that it has in my life when I feed my mind with it. I must confess though that I'm usually more worried about just reading it, and sometimes I miss the more important aspect of obedience. My thoughts automatically go to James 1:21-27. I want to be "doer," and not just a "hearer." That's only possible with God's strength.

Accidents Happen, Right?

2007-11-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm sorry to say that I was in my first "real" car accident today. You know how it is, when it's rush hour, cars line up like there's no tomorrow, and sometimes you don't realize the one in front of you is totally stopped until you're a little close. That's what happened, and I really had enough time to stop, but it was cold and rainy...

As soon as I hit my brakes, I went sliding. I tried to swerve off the road into the entrance to a nearby condominium complex, but my wheel totally locked up, and I was heading straight for the car in front of me. I plowed into him going probably 35 mph. Thank goodness it didn't plummet him into the cars in front of him, and THANK GOODNESS the man I hit was very calm and very gracious. God knew I couldn't handle anything else.

What's even more disappointing is that just a little over a week ago, I finally had the repairs done to my front bumper that I'd been putting off. It had been needing it for more than six month, and I got to enjoy my new beautiful bumper and grill for a full 11 days. Ugh!!!

My neck hurts some, so I think I'm going to get it looked at tomorrow. Overall, I'm ok though. I'm so grateful.

The car didn't fare so well though, and I'm a little scared that there's been too much damage done. The thought of car shopping again totally overwhelms me. I guess I'll find out after I hear the estimate. This is the first car I've owned that I've really loved. My little black Vibe.

I know God will provide for my needs. Not always the exact way I'd hoped, but He always provides. All I have to do is trust Him. Trust and obey.

What's in a schedule, anyway?

2007-11-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

So I've been away from cyberspace for awhile, so sorry. The truth is that I've been working my brains out with my new job...

I graduated in May from Purdue, a milestone I never thought was possible earlier in life, considering where I came from. It was almost surreal. Such a sense of accomplishment and God's blessing. My job search began shortly after, and I have to admit it was more painstaking than I ever thought it would be. I had 2 job offers and another really good prospect. I had no idea which way God wanted me to go, but after alot of prayer and heartache, I believe He lined everything up to take the opportunity for the job I'm currently working.

I love what I do. I absolutely love working with the developmentally disabled. There are so many blessings that come with something like that, a real sense that I'm actually helping someone's life be just a little bit better. That part of me is so glad to be back in the field working, especially back at the same company I was before. If my job just consisted of working with my clients, things would be alot different. Like, if I could just sit and talk to Bert about when he met his girlfriend and the things they have planned to do together this month even though they're older now, or talk to Chris about how he's so proud that he made macaroni and cheese for himself last week, or talk to Charles about who his favorite preacher is, or talk to Eric about how he loves to go horse-back riding. Those are my highlights.

I have to honest and say the rest of the job has utterly overwhelmed me. I've never been responsible for so much paperwork and so many administrative duties in my life. Whether it's true or in my mind, I feel like there's 60 hours of work that I'm trying to accomplish each week in 40 or 45, and I fail every time. I'm finally starting to believe that the illusion I have of being able to get everything done that I set out to do is just that, an illusion. I'm beginning to realize that my expectations are unrealistic, that there will always be something, and that it will still be there tomorrow when I come in.

I've had some slow but sure realizations lately. One of them is that work has been my priority. I've been allowing my work to totally consume me, even though that's not what I set out to do. It's what I think about all of the time, and it's what I let interfere with my personal life, or lack thereof. It's hard to have a social life when you're at the office until 8:00 pm some nights and you still have to hit the gym on the way home.

My relationships are also suffering, I've realized. I'm so scared sometimes to schedule things with people because I'm always thinking I may have to work on "work stuff" or catch up on personal stuff that's been on the back burner for so long due to "work stuff." I think I really thought that my life would be more laid back, more relaxed after I got out of school, but I'm finding that the real problem is my overcommitment issues and inability to balance. Why do I feel like I have to be busy all the time, anyway?

But God is dealing with my heart, because I really believe that it is a heart issue. Last night a few friends and I went to the Jeremy Camp concert in Bloomington, and Jeremy said something that really got my attention. He asked the audience how we were ever going to go deeper in our relationship with God if we didn't make ourselves available to Him. At first I thought he meant spiritually, because I can be guilty at times of holding on to stuff and not giving God full access to my heart, my dreams, and my hopes. But I think he meant in a literal sense too. When our schedules are so busy that we can't even seem to "pencil" God in on our planners, we don't make ourselves available to Him. I'm more than guilty of this too, often not getting enough sleep and rushing off in my day without taking the time to spend with Him. Or trying to go to Him when I return home from a terribly long day-I end up just giving Him what's left over, which is not much. As much as I hate to admit that, I think it means that my actions demonstrate how much I love Him, or should I say how much I have still to love Him. Sure, I try to serve and honor Him in my life, and I think when my heart is right that He's pleased with that. But my priorities are not where they should be, because He belongs at the top of the list.

I'm tired of living my life, running around like I'm in a rat race, not living in the fullness I know He desires for me. I desire that fullness too. I know enough in my walk with Jesus to know that I can't do anything apart from Him. Without realizing it, I just keep trying to do things on my own, but to no avail. I’m tired. I’ve worn myself out in all aspects of my life. I also know that the only good in me comes from Him, and my heart is deceitful and sinful without Him. Deep down in the depths of my heart, I truly want to serve God, to live in obedience to Him, and to surrender everything to Him. That's who I want to be, that's who He made me to be, that's what He desperately wants from and for me.

World Pulse Fest!

2007-09-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

A few Saturdays ago, a couple of friends and a sponsee and I packed up and went to South Bend for the day for Pulse Fest. There were so many good Christian bands there, but some of my favorites were Sanctus Real, Kutless, and Third Day. It's always such a blessing to worship (and rock out) with other believers. It was so awesome, and I got some really good pics of Mack Powell from Third Day and of Michael W. Smith. Most of all, we had some fun girl time! (We all spent the night together the night before, so we were especially giggly because of our lack of sleep) Below are some pics for the weekend...there were probably at least 20-30,000 people there!

Third Day...

Me and Laura

Kelly and Brandi

Me and Brandi

I'm so gratelful for good friends and for the fun I have in recovery and with my sisters in Christ!

Zenith 2007!!!

2007-07-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I had another awesome year counseling at Camp Zenith on the Campus of Oklahoma Christian University in Edmond, Oklahoma. More than 500 teenagers from accross the country are at Zenith each year, most of them with their youth groups. We had a group from Arizona this year, which was awesome. Hope you guys keep coming!

Camp was the third week in June, and because of the rain, we were spared of the usual unbearable humidity! (Thank you God!) This was my fifth year to be a counselor, and every year has a special place in my heart, each with its own set of memories. Every year I have an amazing bunch of teanagers that my male co-counselor and I get to spend the week with. Every year God opens up opportunities to share with them, to love them, and to listen to them.

My co-counselor was a great guy who just graduated from Harding University, where I spent my freshman year in college, so we immediately hit it off. And both of us just graduated with a bachelor's in psychology, so we joked all week that we were the "real" counselors. LOL I'll make another post soon updating everyone on my graduation and job search, among other things. Here are some pictures of my Z-group from camp. Please keep in touch guys and know that I'm praying for you!!!!

Meg and Chelsea

Katie and Katelyn Mae

Goofy group pic!

Group hug! Awww!

Victoria, Kathleen, and Andrea

Paula and Caitlin
Me and my co-counselor Chris

It's always wonderful to see all my friends from from around the country who come out to be part of the staff and youth minister team at Zenith. Miss you guys already!

Me and Liz Gibbs

Me and Benny!!!

Adam Copeland and Chris Robey

Adam Copeland and Niki Nowell

Way to Go Colts!!!

2007-02-15T13:35:00.000-08:00

I know it's been over a week now since the Superbowl, but I just wanted to say, "GO COLTS!!!" I'm still excited about the whole thing. Those of you who know me know that I'm not what you would call an avid football watcher, or even an enthusiastic fan. But, with Kelly's help, I've come to actually understand how the game works. (It always helps if you understand! LOL) She made me promise her after last season that if we went to the Superbowl this year, that I would not only watch the game, but watch it with her. So, I did, and I was quite surprised that I had retained some of those Football 101 lessons she gave me last season. :) Not only did I have a fun time watching the game (except for the terrible start), but I'm really proud of the Colts and of our city. I really didn't appreciate Indianapolis until I moved away and came back-now I really love it here! And can it just say, wow was it wonderful to hear God being praised on national television by people whose walk matches their talk! I'm grateful for Dungy especially for his faith, his example, his experience, his excellent coaching skills, and his faithfulness in his walk with Christ.

Wow! The beginning of a new year!

2007-01-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! I can't believe that January of 2007 is nearing its end! Things have been happening so fast I can barely keep up! We had a wonderful time with the Downey's for Christmas in Fort Wayne. I'll post the pictures when I get the chance. Then after the New Year we were able to spend some time with my mother's side of the family, enjoying a late Christmas and remembering my grandfather on his birthday, which was January 2nd. I went to Urbana (a missions conference for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship) in St. Louis with my Intervarsity chapter from IUPUI. The conference was from December 27-31, so I was blessed to bring in the New Year with 22,000 other Christians from around the globe, all praising our King together in the Edward Jones dome in downtown St. Louis! More to come about what God did in my heart while at Urbana and what He has continued to do in me since returning-our God is incredible and He never ceases to amaze me!

Classes started on 1/8/07, so I've been off and running again. I'm taking four classes this semester, which is more than normal. As stressful and chaotic as my life can seem sometimes, I'll have to say that my problems have upgraded drastically. Looking back at where I've come from, only God could get the glory for the transformation and the blessings and responsiblities I'm able to have in my life today! Hope everyone had a safe and wonderful New Years, and I pray that God would direct your paths as your heart submits to Him this year so that you can experience all of the fullness that He has for you in Christ Jesus!

Thanksgiving

2006-11-26T18:32:00.000-08:00

I love the holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love them because I get to spend time with my family, family I don't get to see very often. Since my grandmother passed away, we've not had Thanksgiving with the Downey's. I understand why, but it makes me sad. Some of my most precious memories as a child are of spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with both sides of the family.

We had Thanksgiving dinner with my mother's side of the family on Thursday. This is the second Thanksgiving without Papa, but we have much to be thankful for. I made a huge pot of green bean (simmered for hours in bacon! Yummmm!) and made my first big batch of candied yams. Both turned out wonderful because the recipies are mother's! My cousin Greg made the best turkey I think I've ever had, and of course all of the food was delicious! Every year I make a conscious effort to eat less, but I still eat too much. :)

I was talking to my mother earlier that day about how we focus so much on food and take each other for granted. We decided that we would attempt to start a new tradition in our family this year by having everyone say some things they are thankful for before we pray over the meal. To my surprise, it went very well. Things got a little deep, and some of us got choked up just vocalizing how grateful we are for each other and for such a wonderful man like Papa who brought our two families together. Some mentioned how grateful they are for the freedoms we enjoy in America, others for the courageous soldiers that fight for our country. Some mentioned their gratitude for their significant other, and many mentioned Jesus Christ.

He's my answer too. So is sobriety. Sobriety is such an awesome gift to be enjoyed here and now. So is the gift of salvation as God continually changes my heart and renews my mind and spirit, but I'm more grateful than anything for the eternal nature of the sacrificial gift of Jesus. With the work of the cross, God met my eternal needs the moment I repented and put my faith in Him. Everything I need for eternity has been provided. How much more then can I trust God to meet my earthy needs?

26

2006-10-08T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well, today is my 26th birthday. Birthdays are nice...I always get to spend some time with family and have some fun. As I think about this last year, I see alot of things that God has been doing in my heart. I have to be honest and say that I never expected to still be in school at age 26 (unless it was graduate school!), and I never expected to still be single. But I know that God's plan is so much better than mine, and I can see more and more how He uses some of my "disappointments" to do an even greater work in my heart, calling me to a more intimate relationship with Him and preparing me for what's in store in the next season of my life.

One of the presents that my parents got me was gold circle seating to the Casting Crowns concert last night!!! My mother and father and Kelly went with me. We got such good seats and had just an awesome time of fun and worship. John David Webster opened for them and was great too. I was a big concert goer before I became a believer, and everytime I go to a Christian concert it reminds me of the vast difference between secular and Christian concerts. I've had good times at secular concerts and have seen so many talented bands, but it doesn't really come close the spiritual and usually emotional experience I have when I go to Christian concerts and worship my Creator with the band and everyone else there.

As I thought, the pictures didn't much turn out. I was hoping to get to see them after the concert like I did the last time, but the band had leave right after the show to make it back to their hometown for church this morning. I love that about Casting Crowns. No matter how big their fan base has gotten, no matter how many records they have sold, Mark Hall and the band are still committed to the job they had before this whole thing began-youth ministry. They are at their home church every Sunday, no matter where they tour. What an awesome heart for our youth! I love youth ministers-they are so vital in the body of Christ in shaping our youth (and they're usually pretty fun and goofy to hang out with!). Here's a picture of everyone worshipping at the concert...

And here's Kelly and I goofing around after the concert...

We had so much fun hanging out afterwards and just sharing what God's been doing with each of us this last week. I'm so grateful for her and her encouragement. It's so awesome to share hearts with brothers and sisters in Christ and have them relate and share on such a deep level. God knew what He was doing-people need people. That's just how He made us.

Today was a good day. The message at church was a good and challenging one, and Kelly and I went out to lunch and picked up some of my favorite ice cream. :) Unfortunately, the evening has been filled with studying since I have an exam tomorrow. I'm optimistic it will pay off though!

Just plain tired

2006-10-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

For the last couple of weeks, something has been really wrong. I've been real fatigued, sleeping more than normal, sleeping in, and being exhausted all day on most days. First we suspected mono, then anemia, and so on. For someone who exercises regularly, eats fairly healthy, and takes vitamins, it has been an extremely frustrating and discouraging month. My exhaustion was beginning to interfere with class, school work, exercising, and my performance at work.

After almost a month of it, I finally took my mother's advise and had some lab work done. The doctor ruled out mono and ran some blood tests for anemia and thyroid problems. To my relief and frustration, both came back normal. I was relieved that they were okay, frustrated because I still didn't know what was wrong.

I think I was actually beginning to get somewhat depressed about the whole thing because I felt so helpless. I also began to get really scared that if it continued, it could really effect my class work, and since this is my last year, it's more important to me than ever to stay strong in my academics.

Last Thursday after a good night's rest, I worked out in the morning, ate a healthy lunch, took my vitamins, and went off to class. Half-way through class I became so exhausted that I could barely stay awake. (Sleeping in class is just not something I do) After class was over, I actually went out to my car and slept for a few hours! Intervarsity Christian Fellowship has worship night on Thursdays at 5:00 PM, and I managed to wake up a little after that to make it.

The worship time was extended that night, and it was so powerful. I needed it. I needed to be renewed and refreshed. I had been feeling so bad physically and had been so discouraged that I had used that as an excuse not to be in God's Word as much and not to spend as much time in prayer as I normally do. I had started to listen to the lie of "It's not a big deal." I know better. I know I need to feed on God's Word continually, and that my joy and strength springs forth from the intimate time I spend with Him. After sobbing most of the worship time and listening to our campus minister speak on the importance of personal prayer and worship time and the importance of daily being in the Scriptures (God knows what we need to hear when we need to hear it!), I felt like the Lord was calling me to yield this to Him. To trust Him, to stop being overcome with worry and discouragement, and to praise and honor Him no matter what my circumstance. I asked John, our campus minister to pray over me. Today is Sunday...all day on Friday and Saturday I felt fine. Today I had a headache and took a nap in the evening, but I haven't had anymore overwhelming fatigue since Thursday! Call it coincidence, call it what you want...I call it an answer to prayer!

Zenith 2006...finally!

2006-10-01T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hi All! Apologies again everyone about the time it took to finally post this. Anyway, here goes...

Camp Zenith was fabulous this year, like it always is...full of smiles, fun, laughter, new friendships, reunions, awesome worship, funny comedians, relavant and thought-provoking classes, challenging speakers, dedicated camp and ministry staff, and a whole bunch of awesome teens. For some, it's a week of spiritual renewal. For others, it's a week of new beginning with God. For some, it's a week of sharing their faith and spiritual insights. For others, it's a week of listening and watching.

There were several different kinds of entertainment that week, but none impressed me like the band Poor Rich Folk. I couldn't take their CD out of my car CD player for more than a month! It's not normally the kind of music I listen too, but they are so talented and they lyrics keep me reflecting for days! To check them out, click here.

I and my co-counselor had great group of kids this year! It's always a blessing to me to get to know a little bit of each and every one of them. I always pray that they have a good time at camp, that they build new relationships, and that they connect with God. I always pray that I love them like Christ loves me. I always pray that they know how much I care about where they are spiritually. Here are some pics of our group. You guys rock!

Caitlin and Alisha

Sam, Shana, and Alice

Calley, Molly, Connor, Leighann, and Kellie

My co-counselor Dave, Caitlin, Alisha, and Justin

Connor, Kolby, and Parker

Me and some of the girls

We always have an awesome staff of counselors and youth ministers, and it's always a blessing to see some of them again each year. Here are some more pics...

Chris Robey (youth minister from Texas), Niki Nowell (women's head counselor from Colorado), and Matt Lee (youth minister)

Hershall, Julie and Mia Craig

Me and Natalie (camp counselor from Oklahoma)

Me and Liz Gibbs (camp counselor from Texas who was unexpectedly promoted to dorm supervisor this year! LOL)

Niki, Angi, and Max picked me up at the airport the night I arrived in Oklahoma City, and we headed to campus for the counselor's orientation meeting, which was the night before camp started. Max is Benny and Niki's oldest son who is six and a half now. I haven't gotten to see him but maybe once or twice since they moved away from Indy. On the way to campus, Max told me all about how Adam and Luke Copeland came to stay with them for a week in Denver and how he was really looking forward to seeing Adam at Zenith. The next day, youth groups started to arrive in the early afternoon and Max was patiently waiting for Adam and his youth group from San Antonio to show up. When I saw Max that afternoon, he said "Sarah, I just keep looking and looking for Adam, and I just keep not seeing him." I assured him that Adam would arrive soon and not to worry. Later on that night after everyone had arrived, I told Angi what Max had said about Adam, and we chuckled. She said that was funny because when she saw Adam, one of the first things she heard him say was..."Has anyone seen Max?" Go figure... :)

After leaving Zenith on Friday, Niki, Max, Angi and I drove to Kansas where we spent the night. They had a huge waterslide in the pool at the hotel, so Max went down the waterslide 328 times the next morning. LOL Max is a cool little dude. The best pics I have of us are on my cell phone though, so I can't post them on here. We sat together in the back seat all the way to Kansas and then to Denver. Hours of playing with fart-puddy, happy meal toys, singing and telling stories, and playing with more fart-puddy. Max kept messing with me, so of course I messed with him. The phrase of the day from the backseat was, "Mommy, Sarah Downey is torturing me!"

Max Nowell

Benny and Niki Nowell

Me and Benny

We arrived in Denver late in the evening. It was so good to see Benny and spend time at the Nowell residence, although we all agreed that one night was not enough. Niki and I had to get up at 5:00 am the next morning to have me to the airport. Too bad we stayed up until 2:30 am talking and catching up!

It was so worth it though-the whole trip. The only thing I didn't like about it was that it was too short. I look forward to Zenith every year-it's just something that goes on my calendar every year until further notice. :) My God is pretty awesome! He allows me to witness so much in the lives of others and has blessed me so much with a network of believers to lean on, laugh with, encourage, confide in, and love. I don't know what I'd do without my sisters in Christ! Praise God for the safe travel that He allowed, the lives He changed (and continues to change), and the friendships rekindled that week!

Busy, busy

2006-09-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

I know that some of you are wondering where my post from Zenith is...here it is more than 2 and a half months later. I started that post the week after I returned from Oklahoma and Colorado, but I have had the worst on-going problems with getting the pictures to post correctly. I finally figured out that they all need to be reformatted and saved differently for the web, then my computer at home with all the pictures on it stopped working right, then I scanned them again at school and saved them all there only to find out that I was missing some. On and on...I just got overwhelmed with it and stopped working on it for a while. I took 4 classes this summer (roughly equivalent to 18 credit hours) and with work and everything else going on...[sigh]. I've been so overwhelmed and I've felt regretful that I'm not even really in the blogging community anymore. I even thought about closing my blog account. But I can't. I really love blogging, and I love being able to see what my friends in other states are up to. I'll try to do better...forgive me? I miss all of you. I'll try to get that Zenith post finished up this month-I had such a good trip and wanted to share it, and I wrote about my time in Denver.

Class is going well, fast-paced, but well. This semester I'm taking 2 psychology courses-Cognition and Capstone Research. I'm also taking Environmental Geology, which I really enjoy. I'm so excited that I'm able to do my research in one of the areas that I absolutely love-Health Psychology. It's a growing passion for me. I specifically will be studying health behaviors, like eating and exercising. I'm also working on my certification so that I can be an addictions counselor. I already have the 1000 hours that I need from working at the treatment center, and now I'm looking into the testing. While I'll be excited to be certified, especially after I have my degree, I'm really wanting to look into graduate programs in health psychology. That seems to be where my heart is, but we'll see what God has in store. I have hopes and dreams, but they belong to Him-to be used in whatever way He deems and in whatever way will bring Him much glory.

God continues to give me opportunites at work in my Spiritual Study group to share my faith and plant seeds for His kingdom. Mark Cahill's books go like hot cakes-I can't seem to keep a steady supply (praise God!). And because my schedule is different this semester, I'm able to be more involved with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship more at IUPUI (Indiana University Purdue Univerity @ Indianapolis). I feel that it has been the missing piece-I finally have that authentic fellowship with other believers my age on campus, and I've met lots of new friends and partners in the gospel who want to be a witnessing community and a presence on campus for Christ Jesus. Oh, and I've met some people to play volleyball with as well-I'm mean c'mon that's important! :) By the way, I was playing with them on Thursday night and burst a blood vessel in my right wrist after slamming the ball. I'm fine now, it's just turning pretty colors, but wow was it scary-looked like a golf ball was under my skin...I had a blast though and played well-it was worth it I guess. :)

Some good news to share that was unexpected... I got Lady of the Month at the gym I go to since I've continued to loose weight (about 50 lbs total now). I still have a little more to go, but God has been so faithful to give the desire to take better care of my body and honor Him with it when I pray for that.

Work is going well...sometimes it's really hard to work in this field (addictions) and to watch people not do well, but thank God that some make it. It's the rewards of the few who stay sober and go on to live wonderfully full lives that drown out the discouragement of the many who are unable to stay sober. It's so heart-moving to watch peoples lives change, to watch life spring up inside of them. It's even more precious to watch people come into the kingdom of God and watch the Holy Spirit make them into a new creation! That's what LIFE is about to me-planting seeds of truth about eternity and watching our Mighty God transform lives. God is in the business of transforming lives. He is like no other.

Alright, alright!

2006-06-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

Back, by popular threat! (And chiding about how even someone in medical school is able to make time to blog more often than I am! LOL) I've missed you guys too, and although I don't have time for too many details, here’s a quick update of what I've been up too the last 6 months...

I met someone in November, and after the first of the year we really started getting to know each other. We spent so many nights on the phone, and we have months of handwritten letters from the other. Not only were we interested in each other, but we began to build an awesome friendship. He's a wonderful Christian man with a heart for ministry (and politics!) and service. He's kind, sensitive, and has a great sense of humor. Oh... and he puts up with me! :) I would post an adorable picture of him, but he'd probably kill me! I spent Valentine's Day with him in KY and had a wonderful time!!! But not too long after that, everything came to a screeching halt...

I can't go into details, and probably shouldn't here. But I do know one thing...either he is not the one OR now is not the time. The Lord made it abundantly clear to each of us that we shouldn't pursue anything more than a friendship right now. Since that long conversation with him a few months ago, I've never doubted that this is the Lord's will. Especially after I realized how much heavier of a class load I will have to take to graduate next May (YEAH!!!), I realized that I wouldn't be able to devote time to a courtship even if I wanted to. And I'm probably not as ready for one as I'd like to think I am. As always, the Lord has been showing me some things in my heart that need to change...emotional issues from past relationships, among other things, that I need to work through and get rid of. I don't want to carry that stuff into a marriage someday...that wouldn't be fair to my husband.

The last few months have been really hard. It was harder in the beginning, and even now, some days are harder than others. Probably the most frustrating, and even hurtful, part of it all is that the Lord is choosing to delay in revealing to me what His will is. Right now I honestly have no idea what the future holds with him or anyone else. I know that God is sovereign though, and that He knows better than I do what I need. I can only trust that if this man and I are not to be together, that God will change one or both of our hearts. And if we are, that He will deepen the way we feel about each other and sustain us through this time of waiting. I know that the Lord knows what I need in a husband and what he needs in a wife, and that may or may not be each other. No matter what my heart wants, deep down I really want what the Lord has for me. His plans have proven time and time again to be better than my own. Even though I don't always understand...I trust Him.

I am really grateful though for the way we can still talk, relate, and laugh together. The friendship and laughter we share is truly a gift from the Lord.

I've also been in summer school this summer, running myself ragged as usual between work and school. :) But I'm doing really well in school, and have somehow found the motivation to forth all possible effort. It feels good to be working up to my full potential, and I know it's more honoring to the Lord.

I'm flying out of Indy on Saturday to be a camp counselor at Zenith again this year in Oklahoma City, on the campus of Oklahoma Christian University. I can't wait!!! I look forward to Zenith every year...I think most of us who go end up falling in love with it! I'm also spending a night or two in Denver at the end of the week with Benny and Niki, and I'll fly home from Denver that Sunday. Benny was the youth minister several years ago at the church I grew up at. I got to have them as part of the ministry team at Southeastern, but I got more than that out of the deal. I got some great friends and a dear brother and sister in the Lord!

I'll have a report of Zenith 2006 when I return and take lots of pictures to post. Please pray for the hearts of all of the teenagers who will be on campus that week at camp. Pray that God would open their hearts and prepare them to hear the truth, and that He would strengthen the faith of those who already know Him. Please pray for the counselors and ministry staff, that the love of Christ would be seen in us and that we would be faithful in sharing the Gospel and planting seeds of truth.

The Downey Christmas!

2005-12-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

The Downey Christmas was great, as usual, this year with lots of laugher, conversation, gift-opening, and eating! Can't forget the eating! I was a little sad though, because mom hurt her hip that morning and wasn't able to be there with us. Aunt Barbara kept joking about cutting out pictures of mom and pasting them in the pictures from this year. LOL And you know how women are...always wanting to know what gifts the other ones got. All the women wanted to take a vote to open mom's gift to see what she got and then have someone wrap it back up for dad to take home to her. Unfortunately, we were out voted because the men just didn't care and there were more of them. :)

We usually rotate whose house to have Christmas at, since the family is too big now to have it at grandpa's house. This year it was at my uncle Tom and aunt Carol's home up in northern Indiana. There are 11 grandchildren, me being the oldest. My cousin Adam is the second oldest and he and his girlfriend Jessica are engaged now, but everyone keeps razzin' them about setting a date. I'm happy for you guys! Here are some of the pictures from the day...

Grandpa and his five children (from left to right) Eric, Kim, Carol, dad, and Kevin

Grandpa (sportin' Purdue!), Adam, and Jessica

Uncle Kevin and Aunt Barbara, Michelle, Adam, and Jessica

The three brothers, who could hardly stop laughing long enough to take the picture...Eric, dad, and Kevin

Uncle Tom, Aunt Carol, and cousins Aaron, Gracie, and Katie

Uncle Eric, Aunt Jacquie, Adam, and Jessica

Uncle Bobbie (the jokester), Aunt Kim, Adam, and Jessica

Me, dad, and my sister Alice

And here are all of the grandkids, plus Jess

Some of you may rememer Papa (Wilbur), my mom's father who passed away in July. This was our first Christmas without him. I ran accross this picture the other day of him from a few Christmases ago and it brought a smile to my face. He had just got done opening a present and then stuck the bow on his head...Papa, we'll miss you!

And I had to post a picture of my roommate Samuel (we call him Sammy), posing by our Christmas tree. Although he really doesn't help much with the rent, he's my little bud! :)

To the Downey family:
If I haven't ever told you...I'm grateful for you. Grandpa I'm grateful for the example that you and grandma were and for the the family you raised. I miss her so much! To each of my aunts and uncles-thank you for staying together and for the families you've built on your own. You don't know how blessed I feel to be in a family that is committed to marriage and family, where everyone is still together. Mom and dad-thanks for your commitment to each other, even when things get tough and for your unconditional love, acceptance, and forgiveness. To Alice-thanks for being more than just a sister, but a good friend also. And to my cousins-as each of you grow up, I can't wait to get to know you more. We're the future of this family and I pray that we will always carry on the things our family has taught and given us. I pray that in 2006 we can be more of a family who loves God and who loves each other! I love you all! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
He's the One who will keep you on track.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

Chapel

2005-12-29T19:19:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, I have been so busy with school and my new job, and I have fallen out of the loop. I have missed my blogging buddies...it's going to take me awhile to read and catch up with everyone! I pray that each of you had a good Christmas. To those of you I may have not talked to on Christmas, know that you were in my thoughts and prayers!

My job is going well! I'm so excited to be there, and I know it's where the Lord wants me right now. I can feel it deep down inside. I hired in there as a counselor tech, which is kind of like an assistant to the addictions counselors. But I knew from the first day I trained, that I was there for another purpose. Let me explain...

Before I turned in my two weeks notice at my previous job, I decided to train for a day at my new job to make sure it was what I wanted to do. In the middle of the day, my boss took me to me over to the women's facility to show me around. Not long after we got over there, she said, "Oh, chapel is getting ready to start. Why don't you sit in on it to get a feel for things." So, I sat in on chapel, which is roughly a half an hour, and it was lead by one of the cooks named Linda. She let the girls listen to two Christian songs, read a passage in the Bible, and spent the rest of the time sharing her experience with the girls. Some of the girls had questions and there was somewhat of a discussion.

At that moment, I knew. I said to myself, "God, are you doing something in my heart? This is why you have me here, isn't it?" On the way back to the main facility, I told my boss, "If Linda ever needs help with chapel, I'm extremely interested." I just wanted to throw that out there, but Linda seemed to have things going well. I talked to her later that week and told her how much I appreciated what she was doing. She is a humble lady and thanked me, and she said, "These people really need it. Anything that I can do to share it with them, I want to."

Then in late November, Linda put in her two-week notice and started looking for a new job. When our CEO asked her if she could still keep coming to do chapel with the guys and with the girls, she said that she would love to until she found a new job. But she did, the next week, and was unable to continue. So week after that, my boss asked me if I could lead chapel! I knew that was what God was calling me to do there, but I couldn't believe it was happening so soon! I was so excited that I would have more of an opportunity to share my faith with our clients and be able to plant seeds of truth into their lives! Praise God for His faithfulness! He is so faithful to place us exactly where He wants us. He has plans for us before we even know, and He never ceases to amaze me in revealing His will! When I applied for that job, I had no idea...

So, the next thing for me to do was to put together curriculum for chapel and have it approved by the clinical coordinator. So I was pretty anxious...I know that the enemy wants to sabotage any opportunity we have of sharing the truth with others and that it could come in the form of denying what I had given her to review. I tried to be careful in the things I chose to use for chapel, but still making sure that good seeds could be planted through them. I was almost sure that my boss would find something wrong with it...but for the two weeks work of curriculum I've given here...she said I was doing a really good job and that she had approved me use it all! Praise God!

Last Friday was my first day to do chapel at the women's facility. We had about 6 or 7 women of all different ages and backgrounds. I followed a little of what Linda had done, starting chapel with some music. I believe music can be so powerful, especially when it is about the Lord. I remember the first time I really listened to contemporary Christian music-I didn't even know that kind of music existed! I was good, just the kind of music I liked to listen to, and it really touched my heart and made me think about things. So I chose two different songs by Kutless. If you haven't heard Kutless, you definitely should. J Especially you youth ministers or those of you who like rock. They are so talented and they they are really godly men. I typed up the lyrics to both songs and after we had listened to each one, we discussed the lyrics. Like what they identified with, what they thought about them, what they meant to them, etc. I got such good feedback about the music, especially from the girls who like hard rock and alternative music. They wanted me to leave the CD there so they could listen to it over the weekend!

So many people that are in recovery and in 12-step programs have had bad experiences with church or professing Christians. For a lot of them, talking about God or church is a turnoff and they want nothing to do with it. So at first we talked about what hypocrites are. The actual definition means: pretender, fraud, fake, counterfeit, and deceiver. Many of them related that those words described them in active addiction, and that everyone has been hypocritical at one time or another. We also talked about some of the experiences they had with hypocrites within the church and how it had affected they're relationship with God and their desire to even seek Him. Then I chose a excerpt from Mark Cahill's book "One Thing You Can't Do in Heaven" about hypocrites and his conversation with someone about them. Here it is...

----------------------
"I was talking to a yuppie in a mall one day who had no faith in God but said his parents were committed followers of Jesus. He blamed all of the hypocrites for keeping him away from church. I asked him, 'If I walked up to you drinking a beer and smoking a joint, and shared Jesus with you, what would you think?'

'You'd be just another freak in the world,' he said.

'You're exactly right,' I said. 'That makes me 100-percent wrong, but that doesn't make God wrong at all."

I was trying to help him make the distinction between the actions of followers (or supposed followers) and God's character. I continued, 'There are hypocrites in the mall today, and it didn't stop you from coming to the mall. There will be hypocrites at the restaurant tonight when you and your girlfriend go out to eat, and it won't stop you from going there. So why in the world would you let hypocrites stop you from finding out about the one true God who loves you unconditionally and wants to forgive all of your sins?'

He liked the answer so much that when his girlfriend walked up, he had me repeat the entire answer for her!" (p. 166)
---------------------

It was perfect. I could see some of their wheels turning. One girl said, "Wow, I've never really looked at it that way before."

I shared with them a conversation I had with a girl at school one day who had told me that she had had some really weird and negative experiences with people her family knew from church. I asked her, “When you die, and you will someday, and you have to stand before God, are going to be able to point to those people and say ‘But look what they did.’” She hesitated, but then said "No." She knew, deep down, that what those other people had done had absolutely nothing to do with her being right with God on the day she died.

One of the girls who was sitting right next to me had that look on her face, the one that is somewhat in awe and shouts, “I’m really going to have to think about that for awhile.” She said "Wow! That is really deep!" And it was-I pray that she thought about it that night when her head hit the pillow.

The second week, I picked some songs by Jeremy Camp, who is also an amazing and talented man of God, which they really seemed to like too, and we read half of chapter 3 in Mark Cahill's latest book "One Heartbeat Away: Your Journey into Eternity." It is geared toward people who are seeking and want to know answers. He does a really good job addressing questions logically, realistically, and with truth and love. He also does really well at presenting both sides and really looking at the evidence. He tells the reader, "Don't believe me until you look at the following evidence. Then decide for yourself, one way or the other." The particular chapter we read dealt with other beliefs and religions, and what evidence there is that the Bible stands alone in it's supernatural origin and in it's historical, scientific, and archeological evidence and accuracy (both books are available at www.markcahill.org). The girls took turns reading, and several of them were extremely interested and couldn't wait to read the next part of the chapter next week. It sparked a few questions and a really good discussion. All people really have it deep in their logic and in their conscience to want to seek out truth. These girls are thirsty for it. Our God is so good!

Please pray for me, that God would help me to be a godly witness to those guys and girls, and that he would continue to lead me in providing material that can be used for His glory to further His kingdom. Isn't that what it's all about? Isn't that what's really most important? And please pray for their hearts, that they would be open to receive the truth. I care so much about where each one of them spends eternity.

God, help me to be bold and proclaim the truth, but let my words and actions be bound with love and compassion!

The traveler comes to Indy

2005-11-26T21:23:00.000-08:00

There is a guy, who is currently attempting to travel to all 50 states to meet people, experience America, and grow in his faith. His name is Luke, and although I don't know him very well, I almost feel like I do because I've read his blog a little, and I've read alot about him on his brother Adam's blog. In early November, he was in Indy, and a friend of ours, Angi, called me to let me know he was here. We went out to eat at a great little hole in the wall with the best pizza around, and we had a great time. When we were eating dinner, we were all just trying to get to know each other, and based on the questions I was asking, he informed me that I'm really up on my Copeland family trivia. :) Luke is the bearded one. Here are some pics from the weekend.

4

And us having a little more fun...

2

1

3

Check out his journey through the states at http://www.lukecopeland.blogspot.com.

And then later that evening, my little sister and I went to my friend Kelly's house to have a video game night. I'm a little ole school-I like Super Nintendo. I used to be pretty good, so I was anxious to see if I still had it. :) And I found out...I do! Now we can't stop playing. I stopped by mom and dads the other night around 10:30 or 11:00 pm and started playing with Alice. Got so sucked into it that I didn't leave until 2am!!!! I never have time for stuff like that, so it's nice when I get the time. Here is a pic of me and Alice playing...

5

And us being the loving sisters we are...

6

Can you feel the love?

Gratitude

2005-11-05T02:08:00.000-08:00

You know, sometimes we go through things and seasons in our lives when we struggle, hurt, or are afraid. Sometimes it's hard for me to trust the unseen, when all along I know God is whispering "Child, trust me." My prayer is that no matter what I'm going through, good or bad, I want to bless the Lord and honor Him through that circumstance. I may not always have what I want, but I always have what I need. And while I may have earthly needs, my eternal needs have already been met through Jesus Christ. As I was riding home tonight, I slipped my Nichole Nordeman CD into the CD player and began to sing. I listened to a song called "Gratitude" tonight that I've heard many times before...but tonight it spoke to me. I pray that it would be a blessing to you too-the words are so powerful.

---------------
Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If you never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up
And warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace.

But Jesus, would you please...
----------------

Wow...I want to be there spiritually. If I lost everything, and I mean everything in this world I had, how would I respond? Have you ever thought about that? I would hope that I would cling to Jesus more than ever before. Where else would I go? God, help me to trust like that.

Last Day

2005-10-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a long time coming, but today was my last day at work. I start my new job on Monday. Since I transferred back home in 01, I've been working with people who have developmental disabilities and mental illnesses. I've worked as a direct care staff, in their homes, and have been a team leader for the last 2 years. The last year has been especially stressful. I've had to deal with repeated sexual harassment at work from clients, staffing and co-worker issues, and the last client I worked with was just emotionally exhausting and demanding. There are so many rewards too! Like watching the excitement in someone's eyes when you've just taught them something new and they understand...or the smile on their face when you're out doing something with them that they enjoy...or when the tell you they're going to miss you!

Lord knows, with my busy schedule, I haven't had time to look for a job. Even just the thought of it overwhelmed me. So, the Lord dropped one in my lap! I'm going to be a counselor tech at a treatment center in Franklin, IN. I'm still plugging away at my BS in Psychology, with a concentration in Addictions. I only have a few more semesters until I graduate. This will definitely help me to find out if addictions counseling in really what I want to do!

But what does God want me to do? That's what I've been struggling with. I feel prepared somewhat already for the field of addictions because of school and my own recovery, but I also have developed such a passion for health. But my passion for Jesus Christ and for serving Him and furthering His kingdom supercedes all of it. Is there really anything more important than where you or I will spend eternity?

So, as I was somewhat sad to leave today, I have so many rewarding memories to cherish and take with me. And I'm so excited about my new job! I can't wait to see where God takes me in this new transition!

Opportunities

2005-10-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

Early last week, after I got out of class, I was walking across campus. I was in a slight hurry, since I needed to go straight to work. But as I was walking, I was stopped by someone who was trying to talk to people, and he had a book in his hand. He said he wanted to talk to me about some things I could do to destress and relax. Then he opened the book and pointed to something about yoga. I glanced at the cover and said "Is that the Gita? Does that have to do with Hinduism?" He said "Yes, but it's only for open-minded people. Are you open minded or closed minded?" Panicked at the question and in a hurry, I said without thinking, "If it's that, I'm closed minded." I began to walk off, when I heard him say to me again, "It's only for open-minded people."

I thought about the conversation all the way to my car, a little shaken at how it had gone. I was quite angry at myself for answering him that way and then walking off. I was also angry that Satan had me right where he wanted me-taken off guard, out of my comfort zone, and in a hurry! What an opportunity that could have been to plant seeds with that guy. Using his line of thinking, if I would have been cordial and listened to what he had to say, I could have asked him questions about eternity and maybe even shared MY faith. "After all", I could have said, "it's only for open-minded people." Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in pushing what I believe on anyone. I think if your going to shove your beliefs down someone's throat, the best thing to do is to keep your mouth shut. You'll do more harm than you'll ever do good. But as believers, we are called to be witnesses, with the way we live, love, and share our faith. Alot of times, the best seeds that are planted with others are in conversations where we simply ask them questions and really get them to think about eternity and why they believe what they believe. God said He's put eternity in the hearts of men. They'll think about it when their head hits the pillow at night, if we've engaged in a good conversation with them and forced them to do some searching. And so I ask myself..."What Sarah Downey, are you willing to do for the kingdom of God today? Are you willing to take the opportunities laid before you? Are you willing to get uncomfortable for the one who was mocked, rejected, and killed for you? Are you willing to have the courage to speak and compassion for the eternity of others today?" All that is in me cries out "Yes Lord!" But my actions displayed a very different attitude. So I asked God to forgive me and for more opportunities...

Later on last week, I was debating in the morning whether to where this new T-shirt I got. It has a set of handcuffs on the front and says "Arrest me. I prayed in school today." I loved it when I first got it, especially with all of the court cases we hear about prayer in school, wanting to change the pledge of allegiance, etc. But I hadn't worn it yet, and I finally asked myself "why?" Maybe I was scared I'd get some strange looks, or that others wouldn't take it the way it was meant, etc. "Who cares?" I finally said to myself. I decided to wear it.

I've been going to Intervarsity Christian Fellowship prayer meetings on Wednesdays and have been blessed by it. Our campus minister, John, is great, and I can really tell he loves the Lord. The main focus for Intervarsity is to be a witness for Christ on campus-which I love. While we were having a discussion, John started talking about a guy he'd been witnessing to on campus, whom he had talked to several times. The last time they talked, the guy told John, "I understand what you're saying...I just can't accept or believe that God would be that loving and forgiving." Wow! This guy was starting to think about the unexplainable love of God that our finite minds can't understand. I felt lead to share some of my experiences and some of the questions I ask people when I'm trying to witness to them. Like, "What do you think happens when we die? What do you believe? How do you know that to be true? Where do you get your information?" It's amazing to me how many people believe so many things, but have no idea where they got those ideas and what the basis is for them. Just because we believe something, doesn't necessarily mean that it's true. It's amazing that people stake their eternity on beliefs that they don't even know to be true or how they got them! I know, I was one of those people. The most important thing to do when in a conversation with people is listen, listen, listen. Too often, we don't want to hear, we just want to speak. That's why I was so upset at a myself for walking away for the opportunity with that guy.

Anyway, Intervarsity went great, as usual. And as I was leaving, I asked John, "Have you ever heard of Mark Cahill?" He said, "You know, that name sounds familiar." I said, "He wrote a book called One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven." And then He said, "Yeah! You know what, a good buddy of mine just gave me that book!" We serve an awesome God, don't we? For some reason, I felt really prompted to ask him about it and here he has a friend who felt prompted to give him a copy! I told him about how powerful and biblical it was and how I've witnessed to more people since I've read it then I have during the entire time of being a believer. I encouraged him to read it, and he sounded very interested and said he would. (www.markcahill.org) Then he thanked me for all that I've brought to the group and hoped I would keep coming. I think he meant all that God had brought to the group through me. :)

Later that day, I'm sitting in an advising appointment with my advisor. We're good friends too-I did research with her when I worked in the department last fall. We were talking about how people have different concepts of God or spiritual beliefs and she made the comment, "People in church are SO judgmental!" I stopped, and said, "I'm so sorry that you've had that experience. I know others have had that experience too, and it really saddens me. If people in the church were really living the way they say they believe, they wouldn't be that way." I didn't really think it was the right time to say much else, since she seemed a little anti-church, but hopefully a seed was planted. She thought for a second and then said, "Yes...right!"

Then I went upstairs to turn in an application to request my senior audit. There were two young women behind the counter in the Dean's office, and the first question out one of their mouths was, "What does your shirt say?" I told them, and then beginning to get a little nervous I said, "It's a joke. You know it's a crime to pray in school these days!" They agreed and both started talking about how they couldn't believe how things had changed, even since they were young. One of the girls asked me if I'd read the e-mail that had the response of Ann Graham Lotz when she was asked where her God was on 9/11. I said I did and it was so powerful. If you haven't read it-find it. Read it. Wow! Anyway, then she started talking about all of the hurricanes, earthquakes, and the tsunami, and how she didn't believe it was all a coincidence. All of the sudden, I remembered that I had some gospel tracts that talked a little bit about that. So I got one out of my purse and handed it to one of the girls and told her it had to do with what we were talking about. She said "thanks!" and the other girl asked me if she could have one too! I said "Of course!" I thanked them for the conversation, and when I left, they were both reading them. The conversation probably wouldn't have even started if they hadn't have asked me about my shirt...no wonder the enemy had me doubting!

Let me say quickly about tracts-I was never really big on them, until I heard testimonies of God using them to plant seeds with people and to bring people to know him through them. Like the story of the girl who found one that someone had slid into her 24 pack of beer that she bought from the grocery store. She was at the end of her rope, suicidal, and kept reading the tract for 3 days before giving her life to the Lord! I know some people may not be as optimistic about tracts, but the Lord really showed me that the gospel on paper is better than no gospel at all! I used to think it was as little weird for people to pass out tracts, and the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "At least they're doing something for my kingdom! At least they're trying, Sarah. Are you?" Can God use a measly piece of paper with a message of the gospel on it? Absolutely! The best tracts I've found don't look like tracts at all! They're at www.livingwaters.com and they're sold at cost. I usually leave them places where people may pick them up and read them...like at pay phones, in bathrooms, stuck in books, magazines, and newspapers, grocery carts, etc. I get so scared sometimes that people will react badly and alot of times I don't get in that conversation and I don't hand out that tract. But in my heart of hearts, I care about where others spend eternity. That's only something that came after I repented and surrendered my own life, after I was able to see what sin had blinded me to for so long. So, God answered my prayer last week. He brought so many other opportunities, and I pray that I responded in a way that was honoring to Him. It's the least I can do. I can never do enough...I'm so grateful for His grace and mercy on a sinner like me.

The day I've been dreading for years...has come.

2005-10-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about it, praying about it, and trying to somewhat prepare for it for several years...but we're never really prepared for loss. Yesterday morning I had to put Katie to sleep. I still can't believe it-it's all so surreal. I've been somewhat avoiding going home since then so that I don't have to look at her stuff. She's had congestive heart failure for several years, but it's been controlled quite well by medicine. With congestive heart failure, fluid accumulates around the heart and lungs, making it hard to breathe. The last several weeks I noticed that she had some labored breathing, but other than that she seemed to be fine. But Thursday night when I got home, she was breathing so hard that it sounded like a cross between a weeze and a cough everytime she breathed out. I laid some bedding on the floor so that I could sleep next to her and hold her, but she wouldn't lay down! It was starting to bother me until I realized why...when she laid down, it was even harder for her to breathe! I just burst into tears. I knew that now she was really struggling and that it was time. I called my best friend Kelly (at about 1 or 2 am), and she was over in about 10 minutes. Thank God for her! We cried together. We prayed together. I was seriously contemplating taking her to the 24 hour vet at the airport and putting her to sleep then. I felt so terrible that she couldn't even go to sleep because she couldn't hardly breathe! But Kelly and I watched her for a while, and her breathing got a little better...enough to where she was napping. She loves the dining room-I don't know why, but she has always preferred to hang out and sleep in dining rooms. (Mom says it's because when she was young we always kept her in the kitchen. Who knows.) :) So we call her dining room girl! She wanted to nap in the dining room so I slept out on the couch so I could somewhat watch her. I went into work at 8am yesterday, and found someone to come in for me around 10am. As soon as I left, I got her an appointment in at 11:15, and ran home to spend every last moment I could with her. She ate some Frosty Paws (for those of you who may not know...it's doggy ice cream!) and I just held her and wept. My mom and Kelly both came over and we rode to the animal hospital together. Friday is the only day that both of them are available during the day. Thank God-He knows that there is no way I could have gone through that alone! I was able to say goodbye, and to hold her and they put her to sleep. I felt her pounding heart slow down, and stop beating. I was right there with her, telling her how much I loved her...I wouldn't have it any other way. And so while I'm in so much emotional pain-it's almost unbearable, my prayer has just been for God to get me through each day, thanking Him for the gift of Katie, and for Him to help me to honor and glorify him in how I handle and surrender the pain. She will be missed so much! 17 is an old age, and I couldn't have asked God for more of a long life for her! We grew up together. We were close. We had history.

I'm so grateful for my little Sam. He's about a year old now. When I woke up this morning, he was purring in my ear as usual and he lounged on my pillow and licked my face with his sandpaper tongue to let me know he loves me. I love the unconditional love that animals bring to us-on a very small scale it reminds me of the unconditional love that God has for us through His Son as believers. There is nothing we could do that could ever separate us from that love. Not matter what happened or what I did...my Katie was always there wagging her tail, following me, watching me, comforting me, loving me. She had that love. Unconditional. She was my little companion! What a feeling to be loved unconditionally, especially by the God of this universe! Praise God for His unconditional love and for the way he demonstrates love to us, even though the unexpected, like the love of a faithful pet!

Vibe, anyone?

2005-09-24T23:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, so 3 weeks ago, I had a rental car for almost a week while my car was getting some body work done (A girl backed into me at work-minor though). The rental car was an 05 Pontiac Vibe. Now mind you, I had been playing around with the idea of leasing a new Civic (I have a 97 Civic) sometime within the next year or so. I'd prayed about it, and I really didn't need a new car-mine is fine. So, when I rented this Vibe, it wasn't no time before I began to fall in love! By the end of the week, I had definitely decided that instead of a new Civic, whenever I did get a new car-it would be a Vibe!

That was three weeks ago. About a week later, my dad tells me that a guy he works with is interested in buying my car! (My dad sometimes talks alot, and I'm sure he told the guy I was going to look for a new car). So, I took it over to him, and he test drove it and looked at it. He liked it and told me he was going to go to the bank and talk to them about it! I was a little excited until it hit me-I had to find another vehicle!!! So, I began the exhausting search of finding the right car, with the right amount of miles, that was the right color, the right year, and the RIGHT PRICE! 4 times in that week, I contacted someone about a car who told me "We just sold it yesterday" or "It just drove off the lot."

So, finally I found one in NewCastle, which is about 50 or 60 miles east of Indy. I drove out and looked at it, test drove it, and loved it! I got a carfax report and everything came out fine! I went to the credit union and was approved for a loan with great low monthly payments! The entire time, I'm praying, "God, I surrender this situation to you. You know what I need, not I. I'm grateful for the transportation I have-please show me what I should or shouldn't do. If this is not your will, please prevent it. Thy will, not mine be done." I couldn't believe things were happening so fast when I wasn't even planning on it right now! So last Friday at 5pm, 2 weeks after I turned in my rental car, I drove off the lot in my own 03 black Pontiac Vibe!!! I was so excited, until...

Friday 6:00pm-No horn. Airbag light on.

Saturday 3:30pm-Car overheats and I'm stranded.

Saturday 4:00pm-Notice antifreeze spewed all inside the hood.

Saturday 4:15pm-Locked myself out of the car. $45 bill.

Saturday 4:30pm-Fan on engine coolant system not working.

Saturday 9:30pm-Noticed no taillights or inside module lights.

Saturday 1:55pm-Air conditioner stops working.

Sunday 2:00pm-Overheats. Stranded again.

Monday 8am-Water pours onto my left thigh...while driving! Leak!

Monday 8:15am-Drop off at my mechanic's.

Monday 9am-Called Attorney General-not covered under Lemon Law.

Monday 11am-Talked to dealer.Said he would make it right.Thank God!

Monday 3pm-The wiring needs to be completely redone.

Monday 5pm-Waiting for authorization from dealer to get work done.

Tuesday all day-Still waiting...

Wednesday 9am-Authorized. Mechanic begins work.

Wednesday 5pm-Still not done...

Thursday 9am-Car is done, but needs more work. Take elsewhere.

Thursday 10am-Get authorization from dealer to have more work done.

Thursday 12noon-Found remaining problems, will be done at 4pm.

Thursday 3:30pm-Need a part not in stock. Needs to special order.

Thursday 4pm-Part will come in at noon tomorrow. Left car overnight.

Friday 8:30am-Picked up car & took to NewCastle to fix leak.

Friday 12:45pm-Returned to mechanics to finish work.

Friday 1:15 pm-Drove new car home!!! Finally!!!

Friday 4:15pm-Leak not fixed!

Meanwhile, the guy who wanted to buy my Honda has decided he's not sure (my parents were going to buy it for my little sister anyway if he didn't), so I've had it all week to drive while my new car has been elsewhere!

Two morals to the story:

Our God is faithful! He provided so much for me this week! I had my Honda to drive, and the guy I bought the car from has been so willing to make sure things are working right! I've been so upset about things all week until on Thursday I finally realized that it was all just because things weren't going my way-I wasn't getting what I wanted when I thought I should have got it! That's it! So even though things definitely didn't go as I planned this week, God was still in control and provided for my every need and much more!

And the hurricanes and those devastated by them have left me quite humble this week. Even after Katrina, when they started really talking about Rita and evacuating the Gulf in Texas, I began to see things differently. Here I've been whining about my car all week, and people are fleeing their homes for their lives! If car trouble is the biggest problem I've had this week...I think I've got it pretty good. Thank God I have a car! I pray that I would use it, and all the countless other gifts that God has given me, for one purpose-for His glory.

I'll post a pic of my new black beauty when I get some...

Vibe, anyone?

Bump, Set...Spike!

2005-09-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

I just got back from camping all weekend, and what a blast! Those of you who know me know that I love camping and most sports! We were at Lincoln State Park in Lincoln City IN (way down by Jasper), and the park was beautiful. God's creation is always beautiful! Although I wouldn't call this REAL camping-we slept in cabins. None the less, I was with tons of friends and we had a blast! I must say that one of the things I look forward to most when I camp is being able to play some volleyball. I get way too psyched about it and I finally figured out why this weekend-I only get to play two or three times a year, so I soak up all I can! One of the regrets I have was that I didn't pursue playing in high school. I let way too many girls initimidate me. I was also a softball junkie in high school, and devoted most of my to pitching. I still love softball too, but nothings like playing fast pitch...something that's just not available for recreation.

I went camping in late July/early August of this year, and we spent three or four hours playing volleyball on that Saturday...I was so sore the next morning I could hardly move-but it was worth every bit of it! It was at that campout that I realized something had changed...I was shocked to find out how much weight-lifting had improved my serve! I think I'll keep lifting! So anyway, I woke up this morning as usual the day after a good hard day of volleyball-SORE! But I'm excited because the light bulb went off...I can join a league in Indy! So sometime soon, I'll be looking into that! How fun!

Some pics...finally

2005-09-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

I finally figured how to post pictures. This is me and my adorable beagle-look-alike Katie (for those of you who don't know, she was a birthday present to me for my 8th birthday, and she is now 17!) She poses so well, doesn't she?

This is her and I again. Please disreguard the bedding-I went through a flower/frog phase a while back...just glad it's over!

This is me and Niki Nowell, the wife of our former youth minister who is now in Colorado. I think this pic is from one of the first years I counseled at camp Zenith in Oklahoma. Miss you guys!

And finally, this is me and our former pulpit minister and his wife, who are now in Tulsa. Miss you guys too!

27 years!!!

2005-08-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my parent's 27th wedding anniversary! I'm so happy for them! They had to help my grandmother alot yesterday because she had surgery, but they were able to go out for dinner last night and spend some time together. My dad got some prime rib, and he always cuts the fat off from around the edges when he eats it. So last night when I got home, I noticed that they had stopped by my apartment and there was a little to-go-box with prime rib scraps in my fridge with "Katie" etched on it. Spoiled brat-she ate it right up! (for those of you who don't know, Katie is my 17 year-old pup)

We were at bible study tonight, and I brought a cake for their anniversary so we celebrated it with the group. I've been thinking alot lately of how grateful I am for my parents. They definitely have their faults and are not perfect, but they have loved me and forgiven me without condition. Through their own mistakes, they have shown me alot of things NOT to do, but they have also shown me that no matter what, commitment to marriage is important. I have found that it is a rarity to find friends who's parents are still together and married, and I feel sure blessed to have that commodity. Mom and dad are two of my best friends today, and it's been that way for several years. I talk to mom everyday and dad several times a week. I can tell them anything, well just about anything, and they often confide in me. God has shown me so much about being a child of His by getting to know Him more as my heavenly father. He is everything I need in a father and so much more. He also makes me so grateful to have the loving parents that He entrusted me to on this earth, who have shared their lives and love for 27 years.

That thing called love...

2005-08-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I was catching up on some blogs and read on a guy friend of mine's blog about the pains and nervousness of making the first move or asking a girl out. Very hilarious account by the way! Most of the time I don't think about guys going through all of that. I usually see it as men having the better end of the deal-if they want to pursue a girl, they just do it. While alot of times as a woman, I feel that I can't do much with what I feel if I'm interested in someone, but turn that desire over to God and wait...and wait...and wait. Not that waiting on God's timing is bad or an undesirable thing, but sometimes my flesh grows tired of waiting. I don't want to pursue though, I want to be pursued! I've spent too much of my life pursuing what our culture tells us we as women can pursue and it left me quite disappointed and lacking. I want to wait for God's man. I just believe that God wants to be involved in ever detail of our lives as believers, and our love life is no different. He knows what I need before I even have it, and I trust that He is better at choosing a mate for me than I would ever be.
I haven't been in a relationship since I've been a believer. God changed my heart about three and a half years ago. It has actually been such a blessing, being single, because it has really allowed me to grow in my relationship with Christ, to find out who I am in Him, my likes and dislikes, etc. I was so enmeshed with others in relationships for most of my teenage life that by the time it was all over, I really didn't know who I was. So I think it was in October or November of 03, that I got on E Harmony and joined for a month. I had been hearing their advertisements on Christian radio for over a year and thought why not. Now mind you, I have NEVER been one to do chat rooms or on-line dating gigs-this was a first. So within a few weeks, I met several guys who seemed nice, but I really felt some chemistry with a minister named Rick. We went through all of the questioning (E Harmony has so much you have to ask and answer to the other person before you can e-mail through the system, like open-ended questions, likes and dislikes, etc.) So we e-mailed within the E Harmony system for a few weeks and then he asked if we could e-mail regularly. Of course I was thrilled and we did. We made date nights to IM and really built a friendship with a definite hint of romance. He is really passionate about the Lord and it's so evident in everything he says. That's definitely what attracted him to me. But not too long after that, he had something kind of tragic happen and he lost someone in his family. It really effected him more so by opening some old hurts and unanswered questions. So he asked me to pray for him and said he needed to take some time off to gather himself and seek the Lord. I said absolutely and really tried to encourage him while I continued to pray. That was a year and a half ago, and I've heard from him once, saying that he didn't think he'd hear from me again because so much time had gone by and that he didn't know where to begin. But after I responded to that e-mail, he has never responded again. Probably the most troubling thing to me is not knowing, not knowing if he just thinks the timing is wrong, whether he decided he wasn't interested (which I just don't believe), or whether he just met someone else and was too scared to tell me. The not knowing makes me crazy sometimes, but the more I grow, the more I just trust the God is in control of the situation. Maybe the time is not yet, or maybe Rick is just not the one. Whatever the case is, I'm okay with it. I finally stopped e-mailing him and just turned it over. I don't want to pursue, I want to be pursued! And while I was feeling hurt and confused about the whole situation last fall, one day in prayer, I really felt that God was whispering to my heart, "You can be upset or you can trust me. I'm still in control of this. I know what qualities you need in a husband and I know what Rick needs in a wife. As you pray for your own future husband, begin to pray for his wife, that she would be a woman who fears and honors me and who will bless him. Oh daughter, trust me!" And so I began to pray for Rick's wife and my heart has changed. How does God do that anyway? Like praying for someone you're resentful at, that God would bless them. Somehow the resentment begins to fade and a new perspective emerges. Probably closer to the perspective of Christ and less of that of ourselves.

So whoever God has chosen for me, he is the one I want. Whoever he is-I've yet to know. :) I know that as a woman who wants to be pursed by the man of her dreams-a man that is sold out to Jesus Christ and spreading the gospel-that I pray for God to put on his heart to pursue me after much prayer and that God would confirm it in his spirit. Sometimes it is also a challenge for me to veiw single Christian men first as brothers in Christ, and not as potential husbands. (Of course it's impossible not to at least think about it! Sometimes my thinking get kinda wacked out reviewing all the possibilities!) While it is okay to think about that sometimes, I pray for God to lessen the distraction and deepen my focus on Him. But reading that blog earlier makes me want to share some thoughts from Josh Harris for all you men who struggle with initiating or knowing what to do:

Josh shares a quote by Elizabeth Elliot (whom I dearly love! Check out my favorite book list) where she says, "The world cries for men who are strong-strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man-glad that God mad you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contmept."
God calls men to be servant initiators-firm, but gentle; masculine, yet caring; leaders, yet servants; protectors, not seducers. Assume responsibility of leading and initiating in your relationships with women. Leading is a form of serving. When you provide direction, suggest ideas, and initiate conversation or activities, you're serving your sisters. Servant leadership requires work. It means sacrifice. It isn't tyranny, it's service rendered. It's difficult, but it's a big part of what it means to be a man.
Be a spiritual leader. Men, we should set the spiritual pace (Josh speaking) in our relationships with women. We should be the ones to make sure our relationships aren't merely superficial and entertainment oriented, but deep, God focused, and characterized by biblical fellowship.
Do little things in your relationships with women that communicate your care, respect, and desire to protect. Simply be a gentleman to the women in our life. Your goal is to show through your actions that their status as a woman is a noble one. You do these things for God's glory. You do them to serve a sister in Christ and honor her as a woman.
Encourage women to embrace godly femininity. Look for ways to encourage your sisters. When they make room for you to practice leadership, thank them. When they're humble and gentle, encourage them. Femininity is not weakness. It requires great strength of character for a woman to be gentle in an age that screams for her to do otherwise. When you see a woman going against the grain of culture by cultivating a skill that will serve her family someday, compliment her. When a girl is prusuing a demanding career, but is still being feminine, let her know that you notice. Let her know you respect her. We men should be the biggest encouragers and prayer warriors for women who are seeking to glorify God by practicing godly femininity.
He also goes on the encourage woman:
Don't give up on us. We need your support. We need your prayers. We need you to fix your eyes on God-not on the men who have misrepresented His plan-and live your life in response to how God calls you to be as a woman.

This book along with many others (the list is still growing) about singleness and courtship have shed so much light on how to serve God to the fullest as a single and also on how to prepare for the season of marriage and family. I baby-sat Kyle tonight, speaking of family. He's the youngest of the four boys that I baby-sit on Monday nights. He's about 8 months old now and is getting heavy! I took him with me to Celebrate Recovery, and he was great. He's such a flirt! He only has five teeth, but bared all as a smile was plastered on his face most of the night in a room full of woman! He's so precious-what a blessing!

Church

2005-08-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, today was my second week visiting a new church. I've been praying about it for over a year and really have struggled with it. When I began praying about it last year, I really felt that God was asking me to examine my motives and to serve more where I was planted. And so I have, and have been so blessed by it. But the struggle in my heart has deepened, and I finally feel at peace with visiting somewhere else. I don't want to go into any more detail here, but feel free to drop me an e-mail if you want to know more. Please pray for me, that my heart would be in the right place and that God would reveal to me where He wants me. Wherever He wants me, that's where I want to be. The lesson this morning left me so challenged and moved...I love it when God touches my heart that way and stretches my spiritual comfort zone!

An Awesome Week

2005-08-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

I have had one of the best weeks since...I can't remember when. Maybe for several different reasons-I'm not sure.

Since coming to know Jesus, spending time with Him everyday in prayer and allowing Him to speak to me through His Word has just been a priority. It's like fostering any relationship-you have to spend time with them talking and listening. But for some reason, I had allowed that time to become less and less consistent and often. As believers, we are in spiritual warfare everyday, warring against the flesh to submit to the will of God. Because it is TRUTH, the Word of God is our armor, sharper than any double-edged sword, that we need to fight the Enemy. In an earthly sense, we would never send a soldier into battle without something to protect and defend himself with! So why do I allow myself to go about my day without renewing my mind with God's Word? I'm not sure sometimes, but today I know that the truth will set me free and it's found in the Bible. I'm so thankful for the Bible and for the many many men and women who gave their lives so that we could have God's Word so available to us. To my point about this week-God really had been pressing on my heart that I had not been putting Him as a priority all of the time by not spending time with Him, and that I had been running off into my day without even thanking Him for who He is and the work of the Cross. So I asked a sister in Christ for some strong accountability, and I think God has honored that because I've been in the word everyday this week. I can't believe what a difference it makes the more I'm in the Word!

I've also been experiencing some victory in some areas of my life that I've struggled with for quite some time, one of them for most of my life. The freedom I've felt this week has been overwhelming and only possible though Jesus. Our Lord is mighty and can deliver like no other!

I guess that's the only big thing going this week that made it so awesome, but they were enough!

Last weekend was extremely painful. My dog Katie (the most adorable Beagle-look-a-like you've ever seen) turned 17 this month. I got her as a gift from my father on my 8th birthday. She hadn't been doing so well and so I called the vet on Thursday of last week. She'd been losing weight and getting sick constantly. So I took her to the vet on Friday, and he took some blood and told me she had an enlarged liver. He said he wanted to keep her overnight until he got the blood tests back, but that he didn't think it looked good. I left her there on Friday and cried the whole way home. I've known for a while that the time would come when she would pass or I've have to have her put to sleep, but that doesn't mean it's any easier to hear someone say it. I prayed about it all weekend and tried to prepare for the worst. I wanted to do the right thing, even if it was the hardest, and just trust the Lord would heal my heart. I picked her up on Sunday, and to my pleasant surprise, he said that he was wrong about her liver. It was slightly enlarged, but her liver enzyme tests came back normal! He was however, worried about some toxins that were building up in her system that indicated her kidneys weren't functioning as well. So we started her on a new diet that he said should take care of it (and take care of emptying my wallet), and I'm happy to report that she is also doing great! At least great for being 119 in dog years! She appears to be putting a little bit of weight back on and has not gotten sick once. :) Praise God for being gracious enough to entrust her to me for a little longer. I would love to post some pictures of her and I, but I haven't quite got the picture thing figured out yet. I'll get them up as soon as I do!

went to jail...

2005-07-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I went to jail tonight. Let me rephrase...I went to a 12-step meeting at the women's jail tonight. I don't think I can really name the fellowship that I'm apart of, so we'll just call it a 12-step program. One of my friends holds a meeting there every Wednesday for the women who want to find recovery. I've been before, but tonight I gave a lead. In our jargon, giving a lead means I got to stand up and tell my story. I got to tell everyone what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. I got to share my experience, strength, and hope with other women who want to stay sober. They responded well. Whenever I speak, sometimes older people are tempted to write me off and say things like, "I spilt more than you drank." People always ask how old I am. After I told them my sobriety date was in May of 99, one of the girls just couldn't believe it, and she said I looked 18! I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not. I'll be 25 in October, and at this point in my life, looking a little older is a good thing. But looking younger...not so much. :)

But as I was talking to them, and looking into their eyes, I couldn't identify with sitting in jail. Although I deserved it many times, I had never been. And so I was humbled before them, ever so thankful that after the meeting, I could walk out of there and go home to my apartment. And I told them, that even though I had never been in jail, and that our addictions may have taken us to different places or different bottoms, that I knew what they felt like on the inside. It's such a deep feeling of hopelessness. Of being in that place where you're too scared to live and too scared to die. In a life of alcoholism and drug addiction, the lonliness is undescribable. It's only when we're at that point of brokenness and desperation that we are able to surrender. And I find that it is the same with most any sin. Even though my life is so different and so much better today, I could still remember what it felt like to be where they were emotionally, trying to figure out how they would stay sober and if it was even worth it to try. I pray that I was able to give just one of them hope by sharing how I was able to stay sober. I wanted so badly to talk about Jesus, but I couldn't because of the setting. As I looked at them, wondering which one of them would actually make it and stay sober when they got out, I thought of their souls and where they would each spend eternity. I can't help but think about that-It's just apart of who I am today. Maybe God is laying some kind of jail ministry on my heart, who knows. I just know that after tonight, I feel like one of the most blessed people on this planet because of my sobriety, my freedom, and because of Jesus Christ.

Finally!!! My DVD!!!

2005-07-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well, today was the day...the day I've been waiting for for weeks! I ordered a DVD from camp Zenith and have been waiting for it to come in the mail. It was supposed to come the 2nd week in July, but I just kept waiting... Before I go any further, I must admit that I am the type of busy-body that only makes the time to check my mailbox (on the other side of my apartment complex) once, maybe twice a week. I've made it a point not to check it at night alone, and I usually pass by it in the morning on my way to work (running late or right on the minute!). So, for the last two weeks, I started checking my mailbox EVERY day, sometimes twice a day, waiting for the DVD. And each day I was discusted to only find more bills. :) So this evening when it came, I ran home and put it in the DVD player (forgetting I had a final to study for) and just soaked it all in...again. It was just as good as I remembered it to be. Craziness, fun, laughter, love, passion, and most of all, Christ. God was doing so much in my heart and in the hearts of those kids that week. He was really speaking truth into their lives. I pray that He would continue to water the seeds planted in their hearts that week as he keeps the urgency of sharing the truth with others alive in me.

Psalm 51 and 32

2005-07-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

For some reason, God has really been drawing me to Psalm 51 and Psalm 32 to meditate on this week. These are the Psalms that David wrote after he was confronted by Nathan the prophet about his sin with Bathsheba. Just as David was unfaithful, I think of how often I am unfaithful to Christ and how often I feel the things that David wrote of in the Psalms.

Psalm 51:1-17

Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgement against me is just.
For I was born a sinner-
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
But you desire honesty from the inward parts,
teaching me wisdom even there.
Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me-
now let me rejoice.
Don't keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a right spirit within me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.
You do not desire a sacrifice, or I woul offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

Psalm 32

Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
When I refuse to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord."
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,
that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.
For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble.
You surround me with songs of victory.
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control."
Many sorrows come to the wicked,
but unfailing love surrounds those who obey him!
Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

Worn out

2005-06-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

Man, since I've been out of town for over a week, it's kind of hard getting back in the swing of things. With the usual 4-6 hour nights of sleep at Zenith, I came home quite exhausted. I ate in the cafeteria there all week, and I had more fries last week than I've probably had in the last 6 months! Needless to say, it's been really hard to get psyched up about getting into my workout routine again. It was challenging yesterday, but today I really found myself having to pray for God to give me the motivation and to help me to finish. You know how it is, it's just hard to stay at something when every cell in your body cries, "I don't want to be here!" Anyway, I finished my workout, and my body is starting to adjust again. God is good.

My prayer with this area of my life is not much different than my prayer for any other area of my life...Thy will be done. I've stuggled with my weight my whole life, but it really took off for me when I quit smoking (when I became a Christian). And it always used to be about the wieght and how I looked, but I realized that that can be just as idolitrous as anything if that's what I'm chasing. Today, I really want to serve God with every part of me, and that obviously includes my body. Not that I'm not serving Him now, but I think I could better serve Him by taking care of the body he gave me. So I've lost about 20 pounds, but still have quite a ways to go. Sometimes it can get discouraging, especially since I like chocolate so much! :) But as I seek Him, I'm just reminded that it's not about the pounds or the results, it's about my heart. It's about whether my hearts desire is to really honor God.

Zenith 2005

2005-06-27T02:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I've spent the last week in Oklahoma City at Oklahoma Christian University as a camp counselor at a Christian high school camp called Zenith. It was amazing...as usual! This was my third year to counsel, and every year it gets a little better. My male co-counselor and I had 14 teens for the week to love on, bond with, and model Christ to. I must say that they were one of the most well-behaved and mature groups I've had yet. God is so awesome and so faithful, to take the meager seeds that we sow into the lives of others and nurture them and help them to grow! The last night of Zenith was the best, I'll say. In our group time, we read a chapter in Mark Cahill's book (see my favorite book list) called "If they're breathing, they need Jesus." We talked about how hard, but how important it is to share Jesus with those around us. Then we talked about our talk matching our walk, and I was able to use that to share my testimony. It's one that some in the Church of Christ may not believe, but I'm okay with that. I use the Bible to measure my experiences by. It overrides all that I think and feel. It is truth.

Here's a glimpse of my testimony of coming to Jesus Christ:
I was baptized with I was 10 (I think). I truly believed in Jesus and wanted to be a "Christian." But something would prove to be very wrong with my walk as a Christian in the years to come. Although I believed in Jesus, intellectually, (by the way, so does Satan) I didn't really know what repentance meant or that I even needed it. I was consoled in my sin, loved it, and lived in it. I attended church, but had no desire to read the Word of God or fellowship with other believers. I didn't have the fruits of the Spirit or fruit of thanksgiving & good works. I had no fruit of repentance (I did not have a changed life). When Jesus takes over a person's heart, things will absolutely change. I didn't desire the things of God, but the things of the world. Examining myself against what the Scriptures say, I believe with all of my heart that had I died in my sins, I would be in hell at this moment.
Well, I was 20, I had come through my battle with alcoholism and had been sober 2 years, when our youth minister at the time, Benny Nowell :) asked me to chaperone on a youth retreat called Winterfest. I told him I'd think about it, but secretly thought he was crazy because he wouldn't ask if he knew how I really lived. There were many sins I just held on to, and didn't really see much wrong with it...until he asked me to be a godly chaperone to these kids. I thought and thought and thought about it, and was really prompted inwardly to go. And so I did. Jeff Walling was speaking, and I remember the theme of the entire weekend was "It's about time!" (It's about time you left your sin and stop putting it off. Can you guarantee me that you will wake up tomorrow? What if you die in your sin?) I knew that I was not right with God deep down, and the reality of eternity was staring me in the face. I finally realized that I had only been giving Jesus a percentage of my life, when He demanded 100% of my heart. I was terrified to leave my sin, because it's all I knew and all my friends did, but that night, on February 15, 2002, I gave all of my heart to Jesus Christ. I was so emotional that weekend, as I was sorrowful over my sin and joyful at the same time for the precious gift of Christ. And my life has never been the same since. Almost immediately, things in my heart began to change, and they still continue to change in the process of sanctification. My glaring sins that I had held onto so tightly, I now found the strength through Christ to leave behind, never to return. He truly gave me a new heart with new desires!!!
And so I was able to share my experiences with my kids at Zenith, and to talk with them about the fruits of a godly life. We can fool everyone around us-our friends, family, people at church, even ourselves, but we can't fool God. He knows our hearts and whether we thirst after Him or the things of the world. Mark's book generated some good discussion and some were asking me where they could get a copy and how much, since it would equip them to better share Jesus with their friends. Every kid left with one of Mark's book that night, and I know that God will use it to not only touch their hearts, but in the furthering of his kingdom as they share Christ with others!

The youth ministers teach the classes that the teens go to (3 a day for 4 days). I'm so thankful for all of the youth ministers, their love for God, and for their steadfastness in preparing lessons that would invest biblical truths in the lives of our youth. But out of the 12 classes we went to, some stuck out in my heart more than others. The following are 3 classes that God really used to touch or speak to my heart through:

1. Doug Oaks' class really challenged me even more to be aware of the conformity we live by, sometimes not even knowing it, in the church. Like the way we talk, dress, behave, etc. What's our real heart's motive? He also showed a video that addressed things that I have never seen addressed in the Church of Christ. I love truth and when I saw the video, I just wanted to jump up and down and cheer! The video was about people who are in our churches that have never truly been born-again, and the narrator referred to them as the "radically churched." I think the enemy has so many people blinded to their non-repentance and their trust in works or religion to save them. Doug gave me a website www.imb.org (I think), so I'm going to check it out. I would beg any believer to check out www.livingwaters.com, click on the "free audios," and listen to "True and False Conversion." The Bible actually speaks loudly about true and about false conversion, and it explains so much of why the church is the way it is today. Check it out!

2. Benny Nowell presented his Dry Bones ministry in his class and related it to how we can apply it to our lives. Dry Bones is a ministry (his is in Denver) that helps kids on the street by loving them, providing tangible help, and by showing Christ to them. I was so challenged to get out of my comfort zone and love others that are different from myself. I was so touched by it that I'm going to start praying and considering if I can visit the Nowells in Denver and help out with Dry Bones when I'm there. You can check out their website at www.drybonesdenver.org.

3. Adam Copeland taught a class about Mary, and we talked about how Mary must have felt as she held her son and watched him grow up, the son of God. He asked us to write a letter to our future children and to include some of the hopes and dreams we had for them and what characteristics we would want for them. I must say, it was difficult at first. I'm used to thinking in terms of writing to my future husband, because I journal to him, but never have I written to my future children. The only thing that I could really muster up to write, was that:
"Your father and I love each other so much, and we love you with all that we have. More important than any gift or experience or characteristic we could wish for you, is the experience of a saving relationship with Christ Jesus. We pray that you would seek Him with all your heart, honor Him in all you do, and be obedient to Him no matter what the cost. Your father and I pledge that we will do everything we can, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to model a Christ-centered marriage to you, to love you with the love of Christ, and to raise you to fear and love the Lord. We will teach you His ways and lead you toward the Savior."
I'm paraphrasing, but I just kept going in circles thinking of what to say. It made me realize just that much more how my relationship with my future husband will impact our children, especially when it comes to how we model Christ. I guess now I know what to say to them, how I feel, and what I believe will be most important in raising them. I love children so much, and I can't wait to love and enjoy my own one day as precious gifts from our creator!

On the way home, we stopped in Searcy, AR to stay the night with some of our friends from Harding. Angie, my road buddy and good friend, graduated from Haring University in Searcy, and I went there my freshman year of college. She stayed with a good friend of hers and my sister and I spent the night with my good friend Amanda and her new husband Joshua. I grew up with Amanda. We went to preschool and kindergarten together, and we grew up in the same church. She also graduated from Harding and I was there her sophmore year. It was such a blessing to be with her and Josh! I came out to Searcy for their wedding in March and was so blessed to be able to witness a marriage between two people who are committed to purity like they are. They kissed for the first time at the alter! I've read about it in books (like Josh Harris' books), but they actually embraced that standard for their courship! It's so hard for me to imagine that, but I know that all things are possible through Christ. Not that I necessarily think that kissing of anykind is sinful before marriage, because I don't, but I am confident that their marriage will be blessed that much more by their steadfast commitment to allow "not even a hint" of sexual immorality be found among them. Anyway, it was fun catching up and awesome just to be able to share with them all the ways God was stirring hearts at Zenith. I'm so greatful for my sisters and brothers in Christ!!!

I should really go to bed, since it's 2am-I have to be at work at 8am!!! That's what I get for getting "out of the loop" in blogworld and having to read and write a whole lot to catch up! Good night...you'll probably get more sleep than I. :)

Reflections...

2005-05-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Wow it’s been such a busy week! It amazes me how busy I stay even when school is out. I finally got registered for summer school last weekend!!! I’ve really enjoyed the time off, but knew it would be short lived…

My sister graduated from high school on Friday. It is so weird every time I go back to Southport High, I remember so much of my years spent there. Some good, some bad. I’m so excited for her, but also scared. Life as she knows it is about to change drastically. I think she may go to IUPUI with me this fall. That gives me a chance to do some more of that “big sister stuff.” :) I love her, and I’m so grateful that God has, through His grace, allowed me to be an example of Christ to her. He has given me the opportunity the last few years to learn how to love her and really get to know her as a person. I’m so glad we have a friendship today, as it has definitely not always been so.

I was in Celebrate Recovery the other night, and heard something that was really profound to me. The lady was talking about how our understanding is so limited compared to the understanding of an infinite and holy God. She said she had always trusted God as much as she understood, but that she recently felt Him saying to her, “Child, do not let your understanding determine your trust.” Wow! I mean, how often am I trusting when I can maybe see how things are going to work out well, but when something terrible happens or I don’t understand why it is happening, my trust can go right out the window? Who is more trustworthy than the God of this universe, and who better to be in control than the one who created every cell in my body? Lord, help me to trust you more.

We just wrapped up the quarter for Wednesday night class for the children. I was blessed to help out in the kindergarten class this last quarter and will miss working with the kids. It was really a challenge for me that turned out to be a blessing. I didn’t really want to do it because I wanted to leave that night open for homework. Then God really started showing me that I needed to be more involved with my church and to learn how to serve others. Sometimes I have no idea how selfish I am until the Lord reveals it gently. Some of the kids were so hyper that their attention span ran about 1.5 seconds. LOL. Others were so sweet and well behaved it was impossible not to fall in love with. Children are such precious gifts from God!

I baby-sit for a family with four boys every Monday night, ages ranging from 5th grade to 6 months. Their parents are believers and to all of you parents out there, it is so refreshing to see parents raising their children up in the Lord! Their youngest is really a doll. I’ve been watching the boys since before he was born. He smiles and giggles more than any other baby I’ve ever seen. He’s recently discovered his feet, and it’s hilarious to see the excitement on his face when he’s laying down and catches a foot out of the corner of his eye. Straight for the mouth it goes! He’s at that age where he thinks that EVERYTHING goes into his mouth. When I first started, the extra money each week was nice. But over the months, it has turned into much more of a blessing than that. I feel that God has given me a real glimpse into the life of a family with children. What a blessing, but what responsibility! I want to have a family so bad someday, but it’s obvious that my heart needs more preparation. One day I pray I’ll be ready for all of that responsibility! And so I’m thankful for the relationships I’m building with the boys. They are teaching me patience, love, and how to be less selfish. :)

Here we go again

2005-05-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while, but I've honestly been trying. For reasons beyond my control and for reasons of shear stupidity, I've decided to just start over from scratch.It's kind of hard to explain what happened, but I'll give it a go...

Several nights ago, I was typing a post, and I had been typing for about 45 minutes when I lost the entire thing by accidentally clicking on the "Back" button. I sat there for a moment in disbelief, and after a long groan, I decided to retype the entire thing. After I finished retyping the post, and as I was proof-reading, my cat flew into the office and ran into the powerbar behind my computer desk, knocking the plug loose. As I dove for the plug to make sure it was secure, my computer lost all power!!! I burst into tears, realizing that it was all gone...again!!! For a moment I mourned the sleep that I could have been enjoying since my efforts typing proved to be a waste of time. As I switched to denile mode, I got back on the computer with a glimmer of hope that it was somehow saved. My fears were confirmed, and with much distress, I retired for the night.

The next night, I locked my cat out of the office and attempted to try again. By the third draft, I really knew what I wanted to say and was beginning to memorize the whole thing. :) I finished the post, and published it successfully!!! ...or so I thought. The post was showing up on my interface screen as being published, but never showed up on the website. For two days, I tried everything I could to fix the problem. I e-mailed for blog support help and went through the list of things to try when experiencing difficulties with updating and publishing. All to no avail. Finally, last night I decided to create another blog and move all of my posts to that blog, even though that is really not what I wanted to do. After setting up another blog, I decided to delete it and to just continue to try to find resolution for the old one. So after I deleted the new blog, I clicked on my original blog and it was gone!!! I accidentally deleted the wrong blog, and now not only was the entire last post not even able to be recovered (the one I had already lost twice), but all my other posts were gone too! So after crying and pouting for a little while, I decided to get over it and move on. So what was the lesson: always save posts somewhere else in case they are lost. At least I will NEVER make that mistake again...So, here we go again!