Well, it's been a long time coming, but today was my last day at work. I start my new job on Monday. Since I transferred back home in 01, I've been working with people who have developmental disabilities and mental illnesses. I've worked as a direct care staff, in their homes, and have been a team leader for the last 2 years. The last year has been especially stressful. I've had to deal with repeated sexual harassment at work from clients, staffing and co-worker issues, and the last client I worked with was just emotionally exhausting and demanding. There are so many rewards too! Like watching the excitement in someone's eyes when you've just taught them something new and they understand...or the smile on their face when you're out doing something with them that they enjoy...or when the tell you they're going to miss you!
Lord knows, with my busy schedule, I haven't had time to look for a job. Even just the thought of it overwhelmed me. So, the Lord dropped one in my lap! I'm going to be a counselor tech at a treatment center in Franklin, IN. I'm still plugging away at my BS in Psychology, with a concentration in Addictions. I only have a few more semesters until I graduate. This will definitely help me to find out if addictions counseling in really what I want to do!
But what does God want me to do? That's what I've been struggling with. I feel prepared somewhat already for the field of addictions because of school and my own recovery, but I also have developed such a passion for health. But my passion for Jesus Christ and for serving Him and furthering His kingdom supercedes all of it. Is there really anything more important than where you or I will spend eternity?
So, as I was somewhat sad to leave today, I have so many rewarding memories to cherish and take with me. And I'm so excited about my new job! I can't wait to see where God takes me in this new transition!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Opportunities
Early last week, after I got out of class, I was walking across campus. I was in a slight hurry, since I needed to go straight to work. But as I was walking, I was stopped by someone who was trying to talk to people, and he had a book in his hand. He said he wanted to talk to me about some things I could do to destress and relax. Then he opened the book and pointed to something about yoga. I glanced at the cover and said "Is that the Gita? Does that have to do with Hinduism?" He said "Yes, but it's only for open-minded people. Are you open minded or closed minded?" Panicked at the question and in a hurry, I said without thinking, "If it's that, I'm closed minded." I began to walk off, when I heard him say to me again, "It's only for open-minded people."
I thought about the conversation all the way to my car, a little shaken at how it had gone. I was quite angry at myself for answering him that way and then walking off. I was also angry that Satan had me right where he wanted me-taken off guard, out of my comfort zone, and in a hurry! What an opportunity that could have been to plant seeds with that guy. Using his line of thinking, if I would have been cordial and listened to what he had to say, I could have asked him questions about eternity and maybe even shared MY faith. "After all", I could have said, "it's only for open-minded people." Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in pushing what I believe on anyone. I think if your going to shove your beliefs down someone's throat, the best thing to do is to keep your mouth shut. You'll do more harm than you'll ever do good. But as believers, we are called to be witnesses, with the way we live, love, and share our faith. Alot of times, the best seeds that are planted with others are in conversations where we simply ask them questions and really get them to think about eternity and why they believe what they believe. God said He's put eternity in the hearts of men. They'll think about it when their head hits the pillow at night, if we've engaged in a good conversation with them and forced them to do some searching. And so I ask myself..."What Sarah Downey, are you willing to do for the kingdom of God today? Are you willing to take the opportunities laid before you? Are you willing to get uncomfortable for the one who was mocked, rejected, and killed for you? Are you willing to have the courage to speak and compassion for the eternity of others today?" All that is in me cries out "Yes Lord!" But my actions displayed a very different attitude. So I asked God to forgive me and for more opportunities...
Later on last week, I was debating in the morning whether to where this new T-shirt I got. It has a set of handcuffs on the front and says "Arrest me. I prayed in school today." I loved it when I first got it, especially with all of the court cases we hear about prayer in school, wanting to change the pledge of allegiance, etc. But I hadn't worn it yet, and I finally asked myself "why?" Maybe I was scared I'd get some strange looks, or that others wouldn't take it the way it was meant, etc. "Who cares?" I finally said to myself. I decided to wear it.
I've been going to Intervarsity Christian Fellowship prayer meetings on Wednesdays and have been blessed by it. Our campus minister, John, is great, and I can really tell he loves the Lord. The main focus for Intervarsity is to be a witness for Christ on campus-which I love. While we were having a discussion, John started talking about a guy he'd been witnessing to on campus, whom he had talked to several times. The last time they talked, the guy told John, "I understand what you're saying...I just can't accept or believe that God would be that loving and forgiving." Wow! This guy was starting to think about the unexplainable love of God that our finite minds can't understand. I felt lead to share some of my experiences and some of the questions I ask people when I'm trying to witness to them. Like, "What do you think happens when we die? What do you believe? How do you know that to be true? Where do you get your information?" It's amazing to me how many people believe so many things, but have no idea where they got those ideas and what the basis is for them. Just because we believe something, doesn't necessarily mean that it's true. It's amazing that people stake their eternity on beliefs that they don't even know to be true or how they got them! I know, I was one of those people. The most important thing to do when in a conversation with people is listen, listen, listen. Too often, we don't want to hear, we just want to speak. That's why I was so upset at a myself for walking away for the opportunity with that guy.
Anyway, Intervarsity went great, as usual. And as I was leaving, I asked John, "Have you ever heard of Mark Cahill?" He said, "You know, that name sounds familiar." I said, "He wrote a book called One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven." And then He said, "Yeah! You know what, a good buddy of mine just gave me that book!" We serve an awesome God, don't we? For some reason, I felt really prompted to ask him about it and here he has a friend who felt prompted to give him a copy! I told him about how powerful and biblical it was and how I've witnessed to more people since I've read it then I have during the entire time of being a believer. I encouraged him to read it, and he sounded very interested and said he would. (www.markcahill.org) Then he thanked me for all that I've brought to the group and hoped I would keep coming. I think he meant all that God had brought to the group through me. :)
Later that day, I'm sitting in an advising appointment with my advisor. We're good friends too-I did research with her when I worked in the department last fall. We were talking about how people have different concepts of God or spiritual beliefs and she made the comment, "People in church are SO judgmental!" I stopped, and said, "I'm so sorry that you've had that experience. I know others have had that experience too, and it really saddens me. If people in the church were really living the way they say they believe, they wouldn't be that way." I didn't really think it was the right time to say much else, since she seemed a little anti-church, but hopefully a seed was planted. She thought for a second and then said, "Yes...right!"
Then I went upstairs to turn in an application to request my senior audit. There were two young women behind the counter in the Dean's office, and the first question out one of their mouths was, "What does your shirt say?" I told them, and then beginning to get a little nervous I said, "It's a joke. You know it's a crime to pray in school these days!" They agreed and both started talking about how they couldn't believe how things had changed, even since they were young. One of the girls asked me if I'd read the e-mail that had the response of Ann Graham Lotz when she was asked where her God was on 9/11. I said I did and it was so powerful. If you haven't read it-find it. Read it. Wow! Anyway, then she started talking about all of the hurricanes, earthquakes, and the tsunami, and how she didn't believe it was all a coincidence. All of the sudden, I remembered that I had some gospel tracts that talked a little bit about that. So I got one out of my purse and handed it to one of the girls and told her it had to do with what we were talking about. She said "thanks!" and the other girl asked me if she could have one too! I said "Of course!" I thanked them for the conversation, and when I left, they were both reading them. The conversation probably wouldn't have even started if they hadn't have asked me about my shirt...no wonder the enemy had me doubting!
Let me say quickly about tracts-I was never really big on them, until I heard testimonies of God using them to plant seeds with people and to bring people to know him through them. Like the story of the girl who found one that someone had slid into her 24 pack of beer that she bought from the grocery store. She was at the end of her rope, suicidal, and kept reading the tract for 3 days before giving her life to the Lord! I know some people may not be as optimistic about tracts, but the Lord really showed me that the gospel on paper is better than no gospel at all! I used to think it was as little weird for people to pass out tracts, and the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "At least they're doing something for my kingdom! At least they're trying, Sarah. Are you?" Can God use a measly piece of paper with a message of the gospel on it? Absolutely! The best tracts I've found don't look like tracts at all! They're at www.livingwaters.com and they're sold at cost. I usually leave them places where people may pick them up and read them...like at pay phones, in bathrooms, stuck in books, magazines, and newspapers, grocery carts, etc. I get so scared sometimes that people will react badly and alot of times I don't get in that conversation and I don't hand out that tract. But in my heart of hearts, I care about where others spend eternity. That's only something that came after I repented and surrendered my own life, after I was able to see what sin had blinded me to for so long. So, God answered my prayer last week. He brought so many other opportunities, and I pray that I responded in a way that was honoring to Him. It's the least I can do. I can never do enough...I'm so grateful for His grace and mercy on a sinner like me.
I thought about the conversation all the way to my car, a little shaken at how it had gone. I was quite angry at myself for answering him that way and then walking off. I was also angry that Satan had me right where he wanted me-taken off guard, out of my comfort zone, and in a hurry! What an opportunity that could have been to plant seeds with that guy. Using his line of thinking, if I would have been cordial and listened to what he had to say, I could have asked him questions about eternity and maybe even shared MY faith. "After all", I could have said, "it's only for open-minded people." Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in pushing what I believe on anyone. I think if your going to shove your beliefs down someone's throat, the best thing to do is to keep your mouth shut. You'll do more harm than you'll ever do good. But as believers, we are called to be witnesses, with the way we live, love, and share our faith. Alot of times, the best seeds that are planted with others are in conversations where we simply ask them questions and really get them to think about eternity and why they believe what they believe. God said He's put eternity in the hearts of men. They'll think about it when their head hits the pillow at night, if we've engaged in a good conversation with them and forced them to do some searching. And so I ask myself..."What Sarah Downey, are you willing to do for the kingdom of God today? Are you willing to take the opportunities laid before you? Are you willing to get uncomfortable for the one who was mocked, rejected, and killed for you? Are you willing to have the courage to speak and compassion for the eternity of others today?" All that is in me cries out "Yes Lord!" But my actions displayed a very different attitude. So I asked God to forgive me and for more opportunities...
Later on last week, I was debating in the morning whether to where this new T-shirt I got. It has a set of handcuffs on the front and says "Arrest me. I prayed in school today." I loved it when I first got it, especially with all of the court cases we hear about prayer in school, wanting to change the pledge of allegiance, etc. But I hadn't worn it yet, and I finally asked myself "why?" Maybe I was scared I'd get some strange looks, or that others wouldn't take it the way it was meant, etc. "Who cares?" I finally said to myself. I decided to wear it.
I've been going to Intervarsity Christian Fellowship prayer meetings on Wednesdays and have been blessed by it. Our campus minister, John, is great, and I can really tell he loves the Lord. The main focus for Intervarsity is to be a witness for Christ on campus-which I love. While we were having a discussion, John started talking about a guy he'd been witnessing to on campus, whom he had talked to several times. The last time they talked, the guy told John, "I understand what you're saying...I just can't accept or believe that God would be that loving and forgiving." Wow! This guy was starting to think about the unexplainable love of God that our finite minds can't understand. I felt lead to share some of my experiences and some of the questions I ask people when I'm trying to witness to them. Like, "What do you think happens when we die? What do you believe? How do you know that to be true? Where do you get your information?" It's amazing to me how many people believe so many things, but have no idea where they got those ideas and what the basis is for them. Just because we believe something, doesn't necessarily mean that it's true. It's amazing that people stake their eternity on beliefs that they don't even know to be true or how they got them! I know, I was one of those people. The most important thing to do when in a conversation with people is listen, listen, listen. Too often, we don't want to hear, we just want to speak. That's why I was so upset at a myself for walking away for the opportunity with that guy.
Anyway, Intervarsity went great, as usual. And as I was leaving, I asked John, "Have you ever heard of Mark Cahill?" He said, "You know, that name sounds familiar." I said, "He wrote a book called One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven." And then He said, "Yeah! You know what, a good buddy of mine just gave me that book!" We serve an awesome God, don't we? For some reason, I felt really prompted to ask him about it and here he has a friend who felt prompted to give him a copy! I told him about how powerful and biblical it was and how I've witnessed to more people since I've read it then I have during the entire time of being a believer. I encouraged him to read it, and he sounded very interested and said he would. (www.markcahill.org) Then he thanked me for all that I've brought to the group and hoped I would keep coming. I think he meant all that God had brought to the group through me. :)
Later that day, I'm sitting in an advising appointment with my advisor. We're good friends too-I did research with her when I worked in the department last fall. We were talking about how people have different concepts of God or spiritual beliefs and she made the comment, "People in church are SO judgmental!" I stopped, and said, "I'm so sorry that you've had that experience. I know others have had that experience too, and it really saddens me. If people in the church were really living the way they say they believe, they wouldn't be that way." I didn't really think it was the right time to say much else, since she seemed a little anti-church, but hopefully a seed was planted. She thought for a second and then said, "Yes...right!"
Then I went upstairs to turn in an application to request my senior audit. There were two young women behind the counter in the Dean's office, and the first question out one of their mouths was, "What does your shirt say?" I told them, and then beginning to get a little nervous I said, "It's a joke. You know it's a crime to pray in school these days!" They agreed and both started talking about how they couldn't believe how things had changed, even since they were young. One of the girls asked me if I'd read the e-mail that had the response of Ann Graham Lotz when she was asked where her God was on 9/11. I said I did and it was so powerful. If you haven't read it-find it. Read it. Wow! Anyway, then she started talking about all of the hurricanes, earthquakes, and the tsunami, and how she didn't believe it was all a coincidence. All of the sudden, I remembered that I had some gospel tracts that talked a little bit about that. So I got one out of my purse and handed it to one of the girls and told her it had to do with what we were talking about. She said "thanks!" and the other girl asked me if she could have one too! I said "Of course!" I thanked them for the conversation, and when I left, they were both reading them. The conversation probably wouldn't have even started if they hadn't have asked me about my shirt...no wonder the enemy had me doubting!
Let me say quickly about tracts-I was never really big on them, until I heard testimonies of God using them to plant seeds with people and to bring people to know him through them. Like the story of the girl who found one that someone had slid into her 24 pack of beer that she bought from the grocery store. She was at the end of her rope, suicidal, and kept reading the tract for 3 days before giving her life to the Lord! I know some people may not be as optimistic about tracts, but the Lord really showed me that the gospel on paper is better than no gospel at all! I used to think it was as little weird for people to pass out tracts, and the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "At least they're doing something for my kingdom! At least they're trying, Sarah. Are you?" Can God use a measly piece of paper with a message of the gospel on it? Absolutely! The best tracts I've found don't look like tracts at all! They're at www.livingwaters.com and they're sold at cost. I usually leave them places where people may pick them up and read them...like at pay phones, in bathrooms, stuck in books, magazines, and newspapers, grocery carts, etc. I get so scared sometimes that people will react badly and alot of times I don't get in that conversation and I don't hand out that tract. But in my heart of hearts, I care about where others spend eternity. That's only something that came after I repented and surrendered my own life, after I was able to see what sin had blinded me to for so long. So, God answered my prayer last week. He brought so many other opportunities, and I pray that I responded in a way that was honoring to Him. It's the least I can do. I can never do enough...I'm so grateful for His grace and mercy on a sinner like me.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
The day I've been dreading for years...has come.
I've been thinking about it, praying about it, and trying to somewhat prepare for it for several years...but we're never really prepared for loss. Yesterday morning I had to put Katie to sleep. I still can't believe it-it's all so surreal. I've been somewhat avoiding going home since then so that I don't have to look at her stuff. She's had congestive heart failure for several years, but it's been controlled quite well by medicine. With congestive heart failure, fluid accumulates around the heart and lungs, making it hard to breathe. The last several weeks I noticed that she had some labored breathing, but other than that she seemed to be fine. But Thursday night when I got home, she was breathing so hard that it sounded like a cross between a weeze and a cough everytime she breathed out. I laid some bedding on the floor so that I could sleep next to her and hold her, but she wouldn't lay down! It was starting to bother me until I realized why...when she laid down, it was even harder for her to breathe! I just burst into tears. I knew that now she was really struggling and that it was time. I called my best friend Kelly (at about 1 or 2 am), and she was over in about 10 minutes. Thank God for her! We cried together. We prayed together. I was seriously contemplating taking her to the 24 hour vet at the airport and putting her to sleep then. I felt so terrible that she couldn't even go to sleep because she couldn't hardly breathe! But Kelly and I watched her for a while, and her breathing got a little better...enough to where she was napping. She loves the dining room-I don't know why, but she has always preferred to hang out and sleep in dining rooms. (Mom says it's because when she was young we always kept her in the kitchen. Who knows.) :) So we call her dining room girl! She wanted to nap in the dining room so I slept out on the couch so I could somewhat watch her. I went into work at 8am yesterday, and found someone to come in for me around 10am. As soon as I left, I got her an appointment in at 11:15, and ran home to spend every last moment I could with her. She ate some Frosty Paws (for those of you who may not know...it's doggy ice cream!) and I just held her and wept. My mom and Kelly both came over and we rode to the animal hospital together. Friday is the only day that both of them are available during the day. Thank God-He knows that there is no way I could have gone through that alone! I was able to say goodbye, and to hold her and they put her to sleep. I felt her pounding heart slow down, and stop beating. I was right there with her, telling her how much I loved her...I wouldn't have it any other way. And so while I'm in so much emotional pain-it's almost unbearable, my prayer has just been for God to get me through each day, thanking Him for the gift of Katie, and for Him to help me to honor and glorify him in how I handle and surrender the pain. She will be missed so much! 17 is an old age, and I couldn't have asked God for more of a long life for her! We grew up together. We were close. We had history.
I'm so grateful for my little Sam. He's about a year old now. When I woke up this morning, he was purring in my ear as usual and he lounged on my pillow and licked my face with his sandpaper tongue to let me know he loves me. I love the unconditional love that animals bring to us-on a very small scale it reminds me of the unconditional love that God has for us through His Son as believers. There is nothing we could do that could ever separate us from that love. Not matter what happened or what I did...my Katie was always there wagging her tail, following me, watching me, comforting me, loving me. She had that love. Unconditional. She was my little companion! What a feeling to be loved unconditionally, especially by the God of this universe! Praise God for His unconditional love and for the way he demonstrates love to us, even though the unexpected, like the love of a faithful pet!
I'm so grateful for my little Sam. He's about a year old now. When I woke up this morning, he was purring in my ear as usual and he lounged on my pillow and licked my face with his sandpaper tongue to let me know he loves me. I love the unconditional love that animals bring to us-on a very small scale it reminds me of the unconditional love that God has for us through His Son as believers. There is nothing we could do that could ever separate us from that love. Not matter what happened or what I did...my Katie was always there wagging her tail, following me, watching me, comforting me, loving me. She had that love. Unconditional. She was my little companion! What a feeling to be loved unconditionally, especially by the God of this universe! Praise God for His unconditional love and for the way he demonstrates love to us, even though the unexpected, like the love of a faithful pet!
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