The day I've been dreading for years...has come.

I've been thinking about it, praying about it, and trying to somewhat prepare for it for several years...but we're never really prepared for loss. Yesterday morning I had to put Katie to sleep. I still can't believe it-it's all so surreal. I've been somewhat avoiding going home since then so that I don't have to look at her stuff. She's had congestive heart failure for several years, but it's been controlled quite well by medicine. With congestive heart failure, fluid accumulates around the heart and lungs, making it hard to breathe. The last several weeks I noticed that she had some labored breathing, but other than that she seemed to be fine. But Thursday night when I got home, she was breathing so hard that it sounded like a cross between a weeze and a cough everytime she breathed out. I laid some bedding on the floor so that I could sleep next to her and hold her, but she wouldn't lay down! It was starting to bother me until I realized why...when she laid down, it was even harder for her to breathe! I just burst into tears. I knew that now she was really struggling and that it was time. I called my best friend Kelly (at about 1 or 2 am), and she was over in about 10 minutes. Thank God for her! We cried together. We prayed together. I was seriously contemplating taking her to the 24 hour vet at the airport and putting her to sleep then. I felt so terrible that she couldn't even go to sleep because she couldn't hardly breathe! But Kelly and I watched her for a while, and her breathing got a little better...enough to where she was napping. She loves the dining room-I don't know why, but she has always preferred to hang out and sleep in dining rooms. (Mom says it's because when she was young we always kept her in the kitchen. Who knows.) :) So we call her dining room girl! She wanted to nap in the dining room so I slept out on the couch so I could somewhat watch her. I went into work at 8am yesterday, and found someone to come in for me around 10am. As soon as I left, I got her an appointment in at 11:15, and ran home to spend every last moment I could with her. She ate some Frosty Paws (for those of you who may not know...it's doggy ice cream!) and I just held her and wept. My mom and Kelly both came over and we rode to the animal hospital together. Friday is the only day that both of them are available during the day. Thank God-He knows that there is no way I could have gone through that alone! I was able to say goodbye, and to hold her and they put her to sleep. I felt her pounding heart slow down, and stop beating. I was right there with her, telling her how much I loved her...I wouldn't have it any other way. And so while I'm in so much emotional pain-it's almost unbearable, my prayer has just been for God to get me through each day, thanking Him for the gift of Katie, and for Him to help me to honor and glorify him in how I handle and surrender the pain. She will be missed so much! 17 is an old age, and I couldn't have asked God for more of a long life for her! We grew up together. We were close. We had history.

I'm so grateful for my little Sam. He's about a year old now. When I woke up this morning, he was purring in my ear as usual and he lounged on my pillow and licked my face with his sandpaper tongue to let me know he loves me. I love the unconditional love that animals bring to us-on a very small scale it reminds me of the unconditional love that God has for us through His Son as believers. There is nothing we could do that could ever separate us from that love. Not matter what happened or what I did...my Katie was always there wagging her tail, following me, watching me, comforting me, loving me. She had that love. Unconditional. She was my little companion! What a feeling to be loved unconditionally, especially by the God of this universe! Praise God for His unconditional love and for the way he demonstrates love to us, even though the unexpected, like the love of a faithful pet!